Wednesday, November 19, 2014

I confess....

So, its been a hot minute since I've had a confession session blog post. 

I'm honestly an open book, and will typically say whatever is on mind to anyone.

However, I do feel like the time has come to comment on my real feelings about a few things.....

I confess... I am utterly appalled by Kim K's newest selfie from behind. I mean, holy hell woman- you're a MOM now. GET IT TOGETHER, SISTER.  I have no doubt that Baby North will be in therapy on a daily basis as an adult. I can't lie, I silently judge people when they tell me they still watch any Kardashian show. 

I still think she looks like shes trying to tell the world that they should save her from the Kardashian Madness.
On the Flip Side...
I confess... I have no business judging anyone as far as reality shows go. 

My addiction to Bravo's reality shows are at an all time high. Below Deck? Vanderpump Rules? Every City of Real Housewives? COUNT. ME. IN. 
I can't get enough. Its so pathetic.

I confess...I think #hashtagginghasgottenoutofcontrol
It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if we all took a step back from having the need to put hashtags on things. 

In addition, I confess... I don't understand the new fad of hashtags in regards to people's own kids. Seriously. I don't get it. If someone could explain it to me, that would be great because as it stands, it makes no sense to me. Your child is never going to be a trending topic on any facet of social media. Aside from Prince George or North West, has any other non-celeb baby ever trended? Didn't think so. Maybe I'm missing something, but I can promise you that I'll never caption anything with #BrooksGray. (Unless he wins a Nobel Peace Prize, gets drafted to a Pro Sports Team, or something of that nature. I'm clearly not holding my breath of either event...)

I confess... my nails look like they belong to a homeless person. Like, my one year old son's nails look better than mine. Truth be told, I hate manicures with a passion. I can't sit still long enough for them, and the nail people always wind up yelling at me. 

I can't take stress like that. 

I confess...I despise when childless people ask if Baby #2 is coming soon. Brooks isn't even 18 months yet. Calm your sh*t down. Why don't you just worry about your own first baby before heckling me about having a second? 

I confess... I am completely obsessed with Christmas this year. Like, I'm well over half way down with buying presents and I am literally DYING to put our tree up. Oh & I'm slightly hell bent on buying Brooks the most ridiculous gift ever from us  I mean, Santa. 

Kevin has already banned me from buying this little number. Granted, it might mess up the living room decor a bit, but I mean, isn't it worth it to make my child happy?? 
OH... And I confess... I might already be listening to MixMas. On a daily basis. And singing along at the top of my lungs.

 Dont judge me, you Scrooges. 

I confess... It drives me insane to hear people plan their pregnancies around social events. I totally understand if you try (key word is TRY bc planning a pregnancy is like trying to predict the weather- aka it can be impossible) to time it to where its a better fit for your work schedule or if you're worried about job security, etc. However, if you're waiting to get pregnant because you want to drink at a certain upcoming event (A big birthday, the NCAA Tournament, a fancy trip, etc), chances are you aren't ready for a child. At all. Grow up, Peter Pan. 

I confess... it slightly hurts my feelings when Brooks repeatedly yells "GO, MOMMY!!," and then proceeds to bring me his shoes & lunch box on the weekends. I'm clearly not fun enough for my child these days. Maybe he heard I've been talking smack about his boy, Mickey Mouse? hmmmm :)

Subtle much?

(Brace Yourself, Kevin) --- I confess... While I LOVE all things UK & I definitely pulled for the Cats last weekend as they got crushed by the UT Vols, I can never get enough of Rocky Top. Lets be honest- It is definitely the catchiest Fight Song in ALL of College Sports. 

Don't act like you've never found yourself randomly singing it from time to time :) 

Shew. Huge weight off my shoulders with that last one. 
I feel so cleansed. Ha!

Okay, yall... that about does it for me. 

Hope youre having a great week :)

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Halloween with a Toddler

I'll admit it. 

I totally glorified Halloween in my head.

I had these illusions that Brooks, Kevin, and I would be strolling through our neighborhood, hand in hand, visiting with all of our fav neighbors. We would also get some quality family pictures that would be IDEAL baby book material.

However, I never took in the account ANY of the following...

1. The weather forecast
Rookie move. 

Of course it was the coldest Halloween we've had in 18 years, complete with a lovely rain & sleet mix. 
PERFECT weather for a 16 month old, who walks around like a drunk sailor 90% of the time, to clomp around in, right?
Furthermore, romping around in 28 degrees is 110% miserable for a parent too. 
Why on Earth Kevin & I didn't think to take cocktails  Hot Chocolate with us was a huge fail.
Thats obviously the only way to get through such an event. 
No wonder all of the other parents looked so happy & calm as they accompanied their children around our neighborhood.  
Hmmmm...I wonder if thats how my parents dealt with the craziness of Halloween all of those years? 

2. I love his costume, but does Brooks?
Well, HELLLLLL NO, he didn't like his costume. 
What land of delusion was I living in, thinking that he was gonna be thrilled to wear massive Mickey Mouse ears all night? 
EARTH TO CAROLINE. Homeboy will barely keep a hat on in 20 degree weather, let alone a headband with Mouse Ears. 
I also didn't take into consideration that drawing a black mouse nose on the child would take an act of Congress to accomplish.
Once again, another clown move on my part- little man doesn't sit still for more than 2 minutes ever, so why I thought it would be easy to draw something on his face is beyond me. 
Heres a pic, pre-Mouse nose....
He's still decently happy, right? 

Here's post Mouse nose....

Holy Hell, attitude. The nose clearly cramped his style. 
Yall would have thought we were strangling him, given how loud & dramatic his screams were.
Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. 

3. We were gonna wind up with the CUTEST family Halloween pics ever.
Once again, my little fantasy world completely got the best of me with that unattainable thought.
It is damn near impossible to get a great picture of Brooks on a normal day.  
Add in a full costume, a sugar high from candy, AND the door bell ringing constantly?
Trifecta of Terrible. 
Lets put it like this... 
Kev & I have a better chance of winning America's Next Top Model, Couples Edition vs. getting a fabulous family picture with everyone smiling at the same time.
Not to mention the fact that by the time all the festivities were over, I felt like I had run a flipping marathon. 
Between working that day, buying candy, fixing dinner, wrestling his wild tail into his costume, and rushing him to the neighbors homes before we got soaked, it's kind of a miracle that I was still able to keep my eyes open & my makeup hadn't totally gone to hell in a handbag.

The only halfway decent picture we were able to get was accomplished by bribing Brooks with a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse episode and Marshmellows.
Don't judge me. 
In all honesty, I'd tap dance in a Mickey Costume, while juggling flaming batons, if I thought it would make Brooks smile for any length of time & we could get a quality picture.

On the flip side......

Halloween wasn't a total waste.

-Brooks LOVED watching all of the Trick or Treaters come to our door. 
-He would get sooooo excited to hear the door bell ring/knocking, and then he LOVED putting candy in their treat buckets. 
(Brooks might have also tried to ditch us & run after some of the kids that were wearing cool costumes at various points throughout the night. While I tried to tell him that his moves were slightly stalkerish, I can't say I blame him. Those Duck Dynasty outfits were pretty legit.)
-He also got a huge kick out of putting the Mickey Mouse Ears on EVERYONE, but himself.

Mickey's Ears on Papaw? Obviously, its hilarious. On Brooks? Pure Torture.

Lesson Learned as far as Holidays go with a Toddler

I need to set my expectations REALLLLLLLYYYYYY low from here on out.
That way, anything that actually DOES go smoothly will be an added bonus :)

Anyway, Hope yall alllll had a great Halloween & fabulous weekend! XOXO