Monday, February 9, 2015

Reasons my child cries....

Have you all ever seen those posts floating around from the Dad who documents all the ridiculous and insane reasons why his son is crying? 

If you haven't checked it out, you're missing out because it is some quality entertainment.

Want to know what isn't quality entertainment? 

Dealing with your child's insanity during the ridiculous meltdown.
I am not exaggerating when I say that I would prefer a root canal to dealing one with one of Brooks' bipolar meltdowns. The root canal is infinitely more relaxing. 
And they give you pain medicine to get through any unforeseen bumps/issues you might experience after the fact.
No one gives you any kind of medicine to deal w/ Toddler Meltdowns 
they're completely unpredictable. 
At least with a root canal, you know what is fixing to happen. 

Let me give you an example...

Exhibit A

My, what a well behaved little man. So sweet, right?

2 seconds later......

Hell has apparently broken loose because we had the audacity to offer him an oreo blizzard.

How DARE we interrupt his daily Bible Reading w/ a delicious frozen treat?

Yall, I can't make this up.  He really went insane over us trying to give him a blizzard.
My child is clearly confused in life. 

I think the most insane part of trying to deal with such fits is that Kev and I are constantly trying to reason with him, which makes about as much sense as trying to teach my cat how to speak mandarin.

Exhibit B-

Homeboy started off pumped about his pasta. I mean, who doesn't love some homemade baked ziti? I know I do. I can straight crush Italian food at any hour of any day. 
Not my child.
Ohhhh no. 
He acted offended by the fact that some of the cheese had melted together and formed (gasp!) a chunk of cheese. 
Never mind the fact that Brooks asks for cheese at least 15 times per day. Every day. 

Exhibit C-

Who doesn't insist on wallering in their clothes basket, which is full of clean laundry? 
Why help my mom fold said laundry when I could just mean mug her for 20 straight minutes & refuse to move? 

I'll tell you why...
Because friends, that would be far to rational. 

In order to be a toddler, you have to thrive on having little fear and ZERO remorse for every stunt you pull from sun up to sun down. 

So, my best advice to alllllll soon-to-be parents and parents of infants:

1. Enjoy these non-mobile/non-verbal months while you can. Seriously, soak them up. 
2. Invest money into an area in your home where you can send your child. I know parenting books really push togetherness time & what not, but you NEED a place to send your kids when you're ready to jump out of a window.

3. Have your friends with kids on speed dial. Trust me, it's super comforting to be reassured that your child isn't a complete psycho path. And validation that you're still a decent parent. 

Mom friends = saving grace

4. Stock up on wine. A lot of it :)