Tuesday, September 11, 2012

20 Kinds of Crazy

My first inclination was to do a post devoted to a recent ridiculous and insanely high school-esque hometown happening that completely reaffirms my decision to never move home.  However, I resolved long ago to never use my blog as a retaliation tool of any sort, and I intend to keep that vow.  BUT, I would like to take a minute to personally thank certain parties for allowing me to have such control on your life from 100 miles away.

Just let me know if there is anything else I can do for you :) xoxo

And that's that.

While I really could tell all kinds of super crazy & unreal stories from my hometown, I will refrain.  For now :)

Instead, I'm going to opt to tell some of my fav crazy stories that have occurred while at work....

Crazy Happening #1: 
Person One: "You know, I'm thinkin about pursuing a career as a cop or ranger.  I feel like its my calling."
Me: "I hear that law enforcement & public service positions can be an extremely rewarding career option.  Do you think you could handle yourself pretty well in unpredictable situations?"
Person One: "Absolutely.  I mean, I didn't even cry or try to hit any of the cops during any of the times I've gotten arrested."
Me: "Ohh? Umm.  Doesn't a career in law enforcement require some background checks and additional education?"
Person One: "Yeah, it does.  And once I get my license back from it being suspended from my 3rd DUI, I'm going start those back up.  Those cops that arrested me should be scared." 
Me: (In all seriousness)- "I mean, if I was one of them, I would be."

And that, ladies & gentlemen, is what you call perseverance. Or a potential restraining order?

Crazy Happening #2
Scenario- This person had been frequenting this particular place of business entirely too much, which caused her to get permanently kicked out.  So, her comments occurred while she found this out.
Person Two: (Looking me up & down) "It must absolutely suck to get up & have to work every day."
Me: "Umm, I actually just consider myself lucky to have a good job that I love, so no- it actually doesn't suck at all.  So, how are you fortunate enough to not have to work for a living?"
Person Two : "The Government says I don't have to.  Everyone knows that if you have ADHD, you don't have to work for a living."
Me: "Thats so weird.  I happen to know a ton of people with ADHD that have a full time job, including myself.  
Person Two: (Immediately after she was told she could not come back as a customer...) She turns to me & the manager & SCREAMS, "You know what?  You all just keeeeep on WORKING, so I DON'T HAVE TO!!!!!"

And people wonder why I'm conservative in my political views. 

Crazy Happening #3
Scenario:  My work partner & I were discussing wedding planning with a customer, and we figured out that someone at their office was fixing to get married.  Obviously, Leslie & I immediately had to ask her 834590245089 questions about her upcoming nuptials.
Leslie: "Sooo, I just LOVE weddings.  What are your colors?!?"
Person Three: "OMG, I am so excited.. Its going to be Green & Yellow!!!"
Me: "Well, thats an interesting choice.  Those are actually my high school colors!  I would have never thought about them as wedding colors though.  Hmmm.
Person Three: "Reeeallly? Never?  Well, I mean, its a JOHN DEERE THEMED WEDDING, so naturally, our colors have to be green & yellow."
Leslie: (Kicking me under the table to stop my incessant giggling), "So, how are you going to integrate both colors in your wedding party, exactly?  Like green bridesmaids dresses?  Yellow dresses? "
Person Three: "Wellll, I really want the theme to SHINE through during the whole wedding, sooo its going to be alternating bridesmaids dresses. You know, Greeen, Yellaaa, Greeen, Yellaaa, Greeen, Yellaaa, Greeeen.  And THEN, our aisle runner is going to have little John Deer Green Tractors on it."
Me: "Leslie, Don't you think that is the MOST FANTASTIC IDEA YOU'VE EVER HEARD!?!?  I think you should submit all your wedding pictures to The Knot, along w/ Martha Stewart Weddings, etc!! Leslie- don't you think she would be a shoe-in?"
Leslie: "Umm, errr. ummm.. uhh. I'm just having a hard time picturing it, but I'm sure it will be one for the books."

Believe it or not, we are still friends, despite me throwing her under the big green tractor bus :)

Talk about the very essence of supreme wedding style.  Just stunning.

I legitimately envision this fabric as her aisle runner, don't yall??
P.S. I would pay BIG money to see pictures of that wedding.
P.S.S. LESLIE, I'd love you forever if you pulled some strings w/ our old accounts, & found those pictures for me.  It'd be a great Christmas present.  Just saying :)

Sooooo, as yall can see, I have enough crazy that occurs at work on a daily regular basis to worry about  much of anything else :)

I've been having some major writer's block lately, soooo thats alllll I've got today.

Hope everyone is having a fabulous week!!