Monday, February 9, 2015

Reasons my child cries....

Have you all ever seen those posts floating around from the Dad who documents all the ridiculous and insane reasons why his son is crying? 

If you haven't checked it out, you're missing out because it is some quality entertainment.

Want to know what isn't quality entertainment? 

Dealing with your child's insanity during the ridiculous meltdown.
I am not exaggerating when I say that I would prefer a root canal to dealing one with one of Brooks' bipolar meltdowns. The root canal is infinitely more relaxing. 
And they give you pain medicine to get through any unforeseen bumps/issues you might experience after the fact.
No one gives you any kind of medicine to deal w/ Toddler Meltdowns 
they're completely unpredictable. 
At least with a root canal, you know what is fixing to happen. 

Let me give you an example...

Exhibit A

My, what a well behaved little man. So sweet, right?

2 seconds later......

Hell has apparently broken loose because we had the audacity to offer him an oreo blizzard.

How DARE we interrupt his daily Bible Reading w/ a delicious frozen treat?

Yall, I can't make this up.  He really went insane over us trying to give him a blizzard.
My child is clearly confused in life. 

I think the most insane part of trying to deal with such fits is that Kev and I are constantly trying to reason with him, which makes about as much sense as trying to teach my cat how to speak mandarin.

Exhibit B-

Homeboy started off pumped about his pasta. I mean, who doesn't love some homemade baked ziti? I know I do. I can straight crush Italian food at any hour of any day. 
Not my child.
Ohhhh no. 
He acted offended by the fact that some of the cheese had melted together and formed (gasp!) a chunk of cheese. 
Never mind the fact that Brooks asks for cheese at least 15 times per day. Every day. 

Exhibit C-

Who doesn't insist on wallering in their clothes basket, which is full of clean laundry? 
Why help my mom fold said laundry when I could just mean mug her for 20 straight minutes & refuse to move? 

I'll tell you why...
Because friends, that would be far to rational. 

In order to be a toddler, you have to thrive on having little fear and ZERO remorse for every stunt you pull from sun up to sun down. 

So, my best advice to alllllll soon-to-be parents and parents of infants:

1. Enjoy these non-mobile/non-verbal months while you can. Seriously, soak them up. 
2. Invest money into an area in your home where you can send your child. I know parenting books really push togetherness time & what not, but you NEED a place to send your kids when you're ready to jump out of a window.

3. Have your friends with kids on speed dial. Trust me, it's super comforting to be reassured that your child isn't a complete psycho path. And validation that you're still a decent parent. 

Mom friends = saving grace

4. Stock up on wine. A lot of it :)
Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Mickey Mouse Rehab

I know, I've gone like 2 months with zero posts. I'd love to say I was busy with something super important, but the only thing I've been busy with (aside from work and the child) is reality tv. 
Vanderpump Rules (btw- how much weight has Stassi gained since last season? And why does she go to Sur every day to visit her 2 friends? Get a job, sister) and Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (Brandi needs some serious help. Holy disaster.) have been keeping me highly entertained. 

So, obviously, Ive been suffering from a case of writer's block.

Until now.

So we've already discussed my disdain for Mickey Mouse Club House,  (If you're new to this blog, click HERE to revisit.) but I think I failed to mention just how insanely obsessed my little guy actually is w/ Mickey Mouse.

Well, to start, We may or may not have 102 episodes DVRed of Mickey Mouse clubhouse (don't judge me- If im forced to endure Mickey's perpetual whiny voice and his lack of preparation for his adventures, you can bet your tail, I'm gonna at least have a variety to choose from.)
When Brooks wakes up in the morning, he yells, "Mommy! Daddy! Mitty? (His word for Mickey)."  Like, really, Kid? He's the 3rd thing you think about when you wake up? Hell, I prefer him to go back to yelling for cookies vs mickey. 
In addition, homeboy has gone from politely asking for more Mickey to legi throwing the remote at us & saying "More Mitty, Momma! GO! Goooo! "
Ummm, excuse me, sir. I will not stand for taking orders from a one year old. Hell to the no. 

Needless to say, we created a Monster. And yes, it was 100% our fault bc we would let him watch Mickey any time we needed to get something done. (or just needed a parenting break. It gets exhausting) We also started using Mickey as a bribery tactic. Its a bad habit to get in, but omg, negotiating with a Toddler is basically the same as negotiating with a terrorist at times. 

Don't let that sweet face fool you. He knows exactly what he's doing.

Sooooo, I decided it was time for an intervention. Yes, with a 19 month old. While we couldn't take it away entirely, Kev and i both recognized that we needed to set some major limitations. So, we decided to only allow him 2-3 Episodes per day. He gets one while we're getting ready for work in the morning. One when he gets home from school. And one when im cooking dinner.

You would think that this would be relatively easy boundaries to set, right?
 Uhhhh, wrong. I'm fairly certain that getting my Masters was easier than sticking to those rules.

Watching Brooks realize he didn't get endless Mickey episodes anymore was basically like watching an addict go through their first day of detox. 

Lots of crying. Lots of stalking off. And lots of toy throwing.

**Side note- while dealing with his fits was stressful at times, it was also kind of hilarious. My little dude is clumsy as all get out. So when he would dramatically stalk off, he repeatedly either tripped on things or ran into doors. Call me a mean Mommy, but it was priceless entertainment.**

So, we started implementing this Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Rehab last Monday, and holy hell, I thought Friday was never gonna get here. 
Legit, it was

Seriously. I used to think Finals Week was hard in College, but that stress looks like small potatoes compared to dealing with a toddler CONSTANTLY whining for Mickey Mouse Rehab from Sun up to Sun Down. 
I totally get how and why people crack under torture now. 

Oh hey, Mom. I'm gonna try to climb the blinds since you won't let me watch Mickey. Thats cool, right?

It takes some serious stamina to resist giving in under that kind of duress. 


I am happy to report that Kev and I pulled together, like Band of Brothers style, and stuck it out all week.

While we endured pure hell, something magical happened,


All of a sudden, little man quit asking for Mickey the minute he woke up.
The incessant whining for More Mickey as soon as a tv was turned on stopped.
Best of all?
He quit stalking us around the house with a remote control because he knew we weren't gonna turn it on for him.  
Huge win.
I mean, Do you know how stressful it is to have a 1 year old trying to mess with a remote or Directv box during a UK basketball game?  Holy. Awful. 

Sooooo, I know it doesn't seem like much, but basically, I feel as though we deserve a trophy for winning this parenting battle. 
I mean, look at that face- I'm even confident that our Rehab Program didn't even scar him that badly, which is an added bonus!

Okay, trophy might be a bit strong, but at least a gold star. 
Okay, Okay, I might be reaching, but I will say this-
I definitely think we earned some major parenting Tiger Stripes during this ordeal, right?
So in my book, thats good for at least 1 bottle of wine :) 

Well, until the next parenting battle arises... 

Yall have a great week!!