Monday, February 9, 2015

Reasons my child cries....

Have you all ever seen those posts floating around from the Dad who documents all the ridiculous and insane reasons why his son is crying? 

If you haven't checked it out, you're missing out because it is some quality entertainment.

Want to know what isn't quality entertainment? 

Dealing with your child's insanity during the ridiculous meltdown.
I am not exaggerating when I say that I would prefer a root canal to dealing one with one of Brooks' bipolar meltdowns. The root canal is infinitely more relaxing. 
And they give you pain medicine to get through any unforeseen bumps/issues you might experience after the fact.
No one gives you any kind of medicine to deal w/ Toddler Meltdowns 
they're completely unpredictable. 
At least with a root canal, you know what is fixing to happen. 

Let me give you an example...

Exhibit A

My, what a well behaved little man. So sweet, right?

2 seconds later......

Hell has apparently broken loose because we had the audacity to offer him an oreo blizzard.

How DARE we interrupt his daily Bible Reading w/ a delicious frozen treat?

Yall, I can't make this up.  He really went insane over us trying to give him a blizzard.
My child is clearly confused in life. 

I think the most insane part of trying to deal with such fits is that Kev and I are constantly trying to reason with him, which makes about as much sense as trying to teach my cat how to speak mandarin.

Exhibit B-

Homeboy started off pumped about his pasta. I mean, who doesn't love some homemade baked ziti? I know I do. I can straight crush Italian food at any hour of any day. 
Not my child.
Ohhhh no. 
He acted offended by the fact that some of the cheese had melted together and formed (gasp!) a chunk of cheese. 
Never mind the fact that Brooks asks for cheese at least 15 times per day. Every day. 

Exhibit C-

Who doesn't insist on wallering in their clothes basket, which is full of clean laundry? 
Why help my mom fold said laundry when I could just mean mug her for 20 straight minutes & refuse to move? 

I'll tell you why...
Because friends, that would be far to rational. 

In order to be a toddler, you have to thrive on having little fear and ZERO remorse for every stunt you pull from sun up to sun down. 

So, my best advice to alllllll soon-to-be parents and parents of infants:

1. Enjoy these non-mobile/non-verbal months while you can. Seriously, soak them up. 
2. Invest money into an area in your home where you can send your child. I know parenting books really push togetherness time & what not, but you NEED a place to send your kids when you're ready to jump out of a window.

3. Have your friends with kids on speed dial. Trust me, it's super comforting to be reassured that your child isn't a complete psycho path. And validation that you're still a decent parent. 

Mom friends = saving grace

4. Stock up on wine. A lot of it :)
Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Mickey Mouse Rehab

I know, I've gone like 2 months with zero posts. I'd love to say I was busy with something super important, but the only thing I've been busy with (aside from work and the child) is reality tv. 
Vanderpump Rules (btw- how much weight has Stassi gained since last season? And why does she go to Sur every day to visit her 2 friends? Get a job, sister) and Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (Brandi needs some serious help. Holy disaster.) have been keeping me highly entertained. 

So, obviously, Ive been suffering from a case of writer's block.

Until now.

So we've already discussed my disdain for Mickey Mouse Club House,  (If you're new to this blog, click HERE to revisit.) but I think I failed to mention just how insanely obsessed my little guy actually is w/ Mickey Mouse.

Well, to start, We may or may not have 102 episodes DVRed of Mickey Mouse clubhouse (don't judge me- If im forced to endure Mickey's perpetual whiny voice and his lack of preparation for his adventures, you can bet your tail, I'm gonna at least have a variety to choose from.)
When Brooks wakes up in the morning, he yells, "Mommy! Daddy! Mitty? (His word for Mickey)."  Like, really, Kid? He's the 3rd thing you think about when you wake up? Hell, I prefer him to go back to yelling for cookies vs mickey. 
In addition, homeboy has gone from politely asking for more Mickey to legi throwing the remote at us & saying "More Mitty, Momma! GO! Goooo! "
Ummm, excuse me, sir. I will not stand for taking orders from a one year old. Hell to the no. 

Needless to say, we created a Monster. And yes, it was 100% our fault bc we would let him watch Mickey any time we needed to get something done. (or just needed a parenting break. It gets exhausting) We also started using Mickey as a bribery tactic. Its a bad habit to get in, but omg, negotiating with a Toddler is basically the same as negotiating with a terrorist at times. 

Don't let that sweet face fool you. He knows exactly what he's doing.

Sooooo, I decided it was time for an intervention. Yes, with a 19 month old. While we couldn't take it away entirely, Kev and i both recognized that we needed to set some major limitations. So, we decided to only allow him 2-3 Episodes per day. He gets one while we're getting ready for work in the morning. One when he gets home from school. And one when im cooking dinner.

You would think that this would be relatively easy boundaries to set, right?
 Uhhhh, wrong. I'm fairly certain that getting my Masters was easier than sticking to those rules.

Watching Brooks realize he didn't get endless Mickey episodes anymore was basically like watching an addict go through their first day of detox. 

Lots of crying. Lots of stalking off. And lots of toy throwing.

**Side note- while dealing with his fits was stressful at times, it was also kind of hilarious. My little dude is clumsy as all get out. So when he would dramatically stalk off, he repeatedly either tripped on things or ran into doors. Call me a mean Mommy, but it was priceless entertainment.**

So, we started implementing this Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Rehab last Monday, and holy hell, I thought Friday was never gonna get here. 
Legit, it was

Seriously. I used to think Finals Week was hard in College, but that stress looks like small potatoes compared to dealing with a toddler CONSTANTLY whining for Mickey Mouse Rehab from Sun up to Sun Down. 
I totally get how and why people crack under torture now. 

Oh hey, Mom. I'm gonna try to climb the blinds since you won't let me watch Mickey. Thats cool, right?

It takes some serious stamina to resist giving in under that kind of duress. 


I am happy to report that Kev and I pulled together, like Band of Brothers style, and stuck it out all week.

While we endured pure hell, something magical happened,


All of a sudden, little man quit asking for Mickey the minute he woke up.
The incessant whining for More Mickey as soon as a tv was turned on stopped.
Best of all?
He quit stalking us around the house with a remote control because he knew we weren't gonna turn it on for him.  
Huge win.
I mean, Do you know how stressful it is to have a 1 year old trying to mess with a remote or Directv box during a UK basketball game?  Holy. Awful. 

Sooooo, I know it doesn't seem like much, but basically, I feel as though we deserve a trophy for winning this parenting battle. 
I mean, look at that face- I'm even confident that our Rehab Program didn't even scar him that badly, which is an added bonus!

Okay, trophy might be a bit strong, but at least a gold star. 
Okay, Okay, I might be reaching, but I will say this-
I definitely think we earned some major parenting Tiger Stripes during this ordeal, right?
So in my book, thats good for at least 1 bottle of wine :) 

Well, until the next parenting battle arises... 

Yall have a great week!!

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

I confess....

So, its been a hot minute since I've had a confession session blog post. 

I'm honestly an open book, and will typically say whatever is on mind to anyone.

However, I do feel like the time has come to comment on my real feelings about a few things.....

I confess... I am utterly appalled by Kim K's newest selfie from behind. I mean, holy hell woman- you're a MOM now. GET IT TOGETHER, SISTER.  I have no doubt that Baby North will be in therapy on a daily basis as an adult. I can't lie, I silently judge people when they tell me they still watch any Kardashian show. 

I still think she looks like shes trying to tell the world that they should save her from the Kardashian Madness.
On the Flip Side...
I confess... I have no business judging anyone as far as reality shows go. 

My addiction to Bravo's reality shows are at an all time high. Below Deck? Vanderpump Rules? Every City of Real Housewives? COUNT. ME. IN. 
I can't get enough. Its so pathetic.

I confess...I think #hashtagginghasgottenoutofcontrol
It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if we all took a step back from having the need to put hashtags on things. 

In addition, I confess... I don't understand the new fad of hashtags in regards to people's own kids. Seriously. I don't get it. If someone could explain it to me, that would be great because as it stands, it makes no sense to me. Your child is never going to be a trending topic on any facet of social media. Aside from Prince George or North West, has any other non-celeb baby ever trended? Didn't think so. Maybe I'm missing something, but I can promise you that I'll never caption anything with #BrooksGray. (Unless he wins a Nobel Peace Prize, gets drafted to a Pro Sports Team, or something of that nature. I'm clearly not holding my breath of either event...)

I confess... my nails look like they belong to a homeless person. Like, my one year old son's nails look better than mine. Truth be told, I hate manicures with a passion. I can't sit still long enough for them, and the nail people always wind up yelling at me. 

I can't take stress like that. 

I confess...I despise when childless people ask if Baby #2 is coming soon. Brooks isn't even 18 months yet. Calm your sh*t down. Why don't you just worry about your own first baby before heckling me about having a second? 

I confess... I am completely obsessed with Christmas this year. Like, I'm well over half way down with buying presents and I am literally DYING to put our tree up. Oh & I'm slightly hell bent on buying Brooks the most ridiculous gift ever from us  I mean, Santa. 

Kevin has already banned me from buying this little number. Granted, it might mess up the living room decor a bit, but I mean, isn't it worth it to make my child happy?? 
OH... And I confess... I might already be listening to MixMas. On a daily basis. And singing along at the top of my lungs.

 Dont judge me, you Scrooges. 

I confess... It drives me insane to hear people plan their pregnancies around social events. I totally understand if you try (key word is TRY bc planning a pregnancy is like trying to predict the weather- aka it can be impossible) to time it to where its a better fit for your work schedule or if you're worried about job security, etc. However, if you're waiting to get pregnant because you want to drink at a certain upcoming event (A big birthday, the NCAA Tournament, a fancy trip, etc), chances are you aren't ready for a child. At all. Grow up, Peter Pan. 

I confess... it slightly hurts my feelings when Brooks repeatedly yells "GO, MOMMY!!," and then proceeds to bring me his shoes & lunch box on the weekends. I'm clearly not fun enough for my child these days. Maybe he heard I've been talking smack about his boy, Mickey Mouse? hmmmm :)

Subtle much?

(Brace Yourself, Kevin) --- I confess... While I LOVE all things UK & I definitely pulled for the Cats last weekend as they got crushed by the UT Vols, I can never get enough of Rocky Top. Lets be honest- It is definitely the catchiest Fight Song in ALL of College Sports. 

Don't act like you've never found yourself randomly singing it from time to time :) 

Shew. Huge weight off my shoulders with that last one. 
I feel so cleansed. Ha!

Okay, yall... that about does it for me. 

Hope youre having a great week :)

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Halloween with a Toddler

I'll admit it. 

I totally glorified Halloween in my head.

I had these illusions that Brooks, Kevin, and I would be strolling through our neighborhood, hand in hand, visiting with all of our fav neighbors. We would also get some quality family pictures that would be IDEAL baby book material.

However, I never took in the account ANY of the following...

1. The weather forecast
Rookie move. 

Of course it was the coldest Halloween we've had in 18 years, complete with a lovely rain & sleet mix. 
PERFECT weather for a 16 month old, who walks around like a drunk sailor 90% of the time, to clomp around in, right?
Furthermore, romping around in 28 degrees is 110% miserable for a parent too. 
Why on Earth Kevin & I didn't think to take cocktails  Hot Chocolate with us was a huge fail.
Thats obviously the only way to get through such an event. 
No wonder all of the other parents looked so happy & calm as they accompanied their children around our neighborhood.  
Hmmmm...I wonder if thats how my parents dealt with the craziness of Halloween all of those years? 

2. I love his costume, but does Brooks?
Well, HELLLLLL NO, he didn't like his costume. 
What land of delusion was I living in, thinking that he was gonna be thrilled to wear massive Mickey Mouse ears all night? 
EARTH TO CAROLINE. Homeboy will barely keep a hat on in 20 degree weather, let alone a headband with Mouse Ears. 
I also didn't take into consideration that drawing a black mouse nose on the child would take an act of Congress to accomplish.
Once again, another clown move on my part- little man doesn't sit still for more than 2 minutes ever, so why I thought it would be easy to draw something on his face is beyond me. 
Heres a pic, pre-Mouse nose....
He's still decently happy, right? 

Here's post Mouse nose....

Holy Hell, attitude. The nose clearly cramped his style. 
Yall would have thought we were strangling him, given how loud & dramatic his screams were.
Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. 

3. We were gonna wind up with the CUTEST family Halloween pics ever.
Once again, my little fantasy world completely got the best of me with that unattainable thought.
It is damn near impossible to get a great picture of Brooks on a normal day.  
Add in a full costume, a sugar high from candy, AND the door bell ringing constantly?
Trifecta of Terrible. 
Lets put it like this... 
Kev & I have a better chance of winning America's Next Top Model, Couples Edition vs. getting a fabulous family picture with everyone smiling at the same time.
Not to mention the fact that by the time all the festivities were over, I felt like I had run a flipping marathon. 
Between working that day, buying candy, fixing dinner, wrestling his wild tail into his costume, and rushing him to the neighbors homes before we got soaked, it's kind of a miracle that I was still able to keep my eyes open & my makeup hadn't totally gone to hell in a handbag.

The only halfway decent picture we were able to get was accomplished by bribing Brooks with a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse episode and Marshmellows.
Don't judge me. 
In all honesty, I'd tap dance in a Mickey Costume, while juggling flaming batons, if I thought it would make Brooks smile for any length of time & we could get a quality picture.

On the flip side......

Halloween wasn't a total waste.

-Brooks LOVED watching all of the Trick or Treaters come to our door. 
-He would get sooooo excited to hear the door bell ring/knocking, and then he LOVED putting candy in their treat buckets. 
(Brooks might have also tried to ditch us & run after some of the kids that were wearing cool costumes at various points throughout the night. While I tried to tell him that his moves were slightly stalkerish, I can't say I blame him. Those Duck Dynasty outfits were pretty legit.)
-He also got a huge kick out of putting the Mickey Mouse Ears on EVERYONE, but himself.

Mickey's Ears on Papaw? Obviously, its hilarious. On Brooks? Pure Torture.

Lesson Learned as far as Holidays go with a Toddler

I need to set my expectations REALLLLLLLYYYYYY low from here on out.
That way, anything that actually DOES go smoothly will be an added bonus :)

Anyway, Hope yall alllll had a great Halloween & fabulous weekend! XOXO
Sunday, October 26, 2014

Get it together, Mickey

I would honestly love to know how many times I've already eaten my words since Kevin & I became parents.
Actually, probably not.
Some of my most notable proclamations have been the following:

"My child WILL only eat healthy foods."

Bahahahaha. My child has an obsession with cheese & cookies. Legit, one of his first words has been "Cookie." 

Exhibit A.

Maybe its because I straight dominated a pack of Keebler Elf Double-stuffed Cookies every other day when I was pregnant.  
**Mental note for next time around, eat more carrots. Yep. Only snacking on veggies & nuts. And peanut butter, since its technically made from nuts. Nutella basically fits in that same category too, right?** 

"I refuse to let my child play with my iPhone."

Okay, I really did try hard with this one.  But lets face it:  an object that lights up all pretty, plays music, takes pictures, AND it allows you to see your Grandparents & cousins? 

Brooks clearly loves a good selfie. Ha.

I had an uphill & virtually impossible battle to win w/ it. 
I really do only let him have it to play with this super annoying  highly educational Fisher Price Alphabet app. 
Thank God, he hasn't realized that he can watch cartoons on it yet. <-- u=""> Yet
being the key word in that sentence. 

Speaking of cartoons...

" I wish Brooks would find a cute tv show he liked so I could get some work done."


Ohhh, Brooks finally found a tv show he likes.  
Actually, I wouldn't say he just "likes" it. A more accurate description is that he is OBSESSED with it.


Enter: "Caroline & Kevin's personal hell."
Enter: "I want to punch Mickey's face in."

Yall, after watching 345875630340 episodes, I have sooooo much rage against this show.

For starters, why does Mickey never come prepared for any of his adventures?
I mean, instead of packing necessities for his shennanigans, he relies on his buddy, Toodles.

Toodles, who is clearly the only one at the Clubhouse with any damn sense, is expected to be at Mickeys beckon call AND cart around anything and everything for Mickey and his pals.
The worst part??
Poor Toodles doesn't even get to hang out with Mickey & his gang. Once he delivers the necessary tool to help Mickey out, he is then banished back into the scenery.
Mickey needs to get his head OUT of his tail, and start appreciating all that Toodles brings to the table. Without Toodles, there would be no adventures. 
OR, Wait....
Toodles just needs to grow a backbone & quit being Mickey's servant. Poor guy. 

Also, why is Donald sooooo flipping grumpy in every episode?

I mean, homeboy landed Daisy, who is seriously a catch. She's a super sassy dresser & is way less whiny than Minnie Mouse.
Donald, you should be counting your lucky stars that your posse continues to puts up with you, given your bad attitude. (Once again, Poor Toodles. They let Donald the Downer participate in every adventure, but not him. Awesome set of friends.)

Other than Pete, why does the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Crew think its cool to follow Mickey along on every adventure?  
Seriously. I really wish that one character would stand up to Mickey, and be like "Mickey, this adventure is a truly god-awful idea, and I'm not going. Peace out."
But noooooo. Instead, they follow the underprepared Mickey wherever he wants to go.
I guess the writers parents never taught them the whole "If all of your friends jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?" concept.
Once again, huge fail on Disney's part.

Another thing, why is Pete ALWAYS the villian? And furthermore, I think its a baddddd message to send to kids that the plump/husky character is the bad guy. 

Way to go, Disney. Lets have small children associate being plump with being bad/evil. 

Along with Toodles, I think Pete is the smartest character on the show. 
Not only does he march to the beat of his own drummer, he's one hell of an entrepreneur. 
He's always finding ways to make that cash money, and turn a profit from whatever ridiculous adventure Mickey puts himself in. Last I checked, Mickey is unemployed and continues to live rent free in his clubhouse. Talk about entitled. 
Pete is a straight hustler compared to Mickey Mouse. 

Once again, way to go, Disney. Awesome message to send to our children.  

And finally, the worst 2 parts......

1. I'm clearly entirely too invested in Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, seeing how I've had time to thoroughly dissect every character and plotline. This is what happens when you have 43 episodes recorded on your DVR. (Pleaseeeee God, let nothing happen to erase those bad boys)

2. Lord knows we'll probably have another 40+ episodes recorded before its all said and done. Brooks is obsessed with ole Mickey, so that show will continue to dominate our DVR until the next thing comes along (which lets hope is veeerrrry soon!).  It is truly amazing the things you will do to keep your child happy. 

So, all of you expectant parents out there, just be cautious about what you wish for/make proclamations about as it relates to kids or parenting. 
I can promise you that you'll wind up eating your words 90000 times, just like we have :)

Hope yall have a great week!!

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

The Never Ending Questions + Some Easy Recipes

For those of you who haven't had a child yet, be prepared for a vast amount of random (& somewhat intrusive) questions that occur LOOONNNGGG after you bring home that sweet bundle of joy. Like, my child is 15 months old, and I still get them from people all. of. the. time.

Here are some prime examples:

"Sooo, like, does he sleep through the night? Do you sleep?" 
Note, this question occurs 1234890382 times from the time they are born until...? Oh wait, I still get it on a regular basis. 
So, let me disprove the myth regarding getting no sleep being a 1st time parent:
  I actually get more sleep now than I ever have.  Brooks slept through the night at 6-7 weeks, and has slept great ever since. 
(Yes, we followed the Babywise schedule. I know people have differing opinions about Babywise, and it def. doesn't work for everyone, but it did work for us. 

"What can he do right now?"
Lets see... he's become fluent in French, earned his Black Belt in Karate, and dunk the basketball like Demarcus Cousins.  
Bahahahaha, yeah, right. 
 Ummm, honestly, its pretty anticlimactic until they hit around 6 months, so if people try to claim their child is some rockstar before then- Newsflash: they are LYING to you. After 6 months, the milestones come at you 90000 miles per hour.
And by milestones, I mean, crawling, saying their first words, walking, etc. 
Refer to the picture below to gauge their talent level at 15 months.

I mean, the child is clearly gifted, right? Just look at those mad crafting skills. 

So, here's question that I have gotten repeatedly and I honestly didn't anticipate getting asked this at all...

"I bet you don't cook anymore, do you?"

Seriously, people ask me this all the time (along with how long it took me to get off the baby weight, but thats a post for another time), and I find the question so incredibly weird.
I'm unsure if people assume that when you have a child, you just have absolutely no time to do anything but tend to them, or what? Or maybe they think that you stop cooking normal food & replace it with baby/kid food?

 Those are the only things I can piece together, because otherwise, I'm not sure how being a new Mother & not cooking on a regular basis correlate?
Maybe I'm missing something :)

But to answer that question,

YES, I do still cook 4-5 nights per week. 

Honestly, I find it just as therapeutic as I always have. For me, working out & cooking are the two things that make me feel like I have some control in my life.
Now, I know not everyone feels that way, which is absolutely fine. I don't judge.
I'm a firm believer that people have to do what works for them.
*Side note: I will say that it has absolutely blown my mind when people get an attitude and/or get defensive about eating out, AFTER they ask me how often I cook for my family. 
Listen peaches, if you don't want to know the answer, then don't ask the question :)*

Believe you me, I'm not trying to be Martha Stewart over here. 
I just really like to eat :)

My happiness in this picture is a perfect example about why I will never be a size zero again, and why I have to work out on a super regular basis :) 

To break it down even more, I honestly just find solace in the kitchen.  I've said this before in another post, but I actually cook in complete silence.  No tv shows, no radio, no podcasts, etc.
I neeeeeed  that time to unwind every day after work.

Also, nothing delights me more than creating a fabulous meal to share with my little family of 3. 

So, if you do enjoy cooking, here are a few simple recipes that my family can't get enough of lately......

Kentucky Hot Brown

-2 cups milk
-2-3 tablespoons of butter
-1/4 cup flour
-1/4 cup diced onion
-1/2 tsp. salt & pepper
-1/2 tsp. Worcestershire
-1/2 cup cheddar cheese
-1/4 cup parmesan cheese + Extra for topping
-Dash of Paprika
-Cayenne Pepper to taste
-2 Pieces of toasted Bread per plate
-3-4 pieces of sliced turkey per plate
-3-5 pieces of cooked bacon
-1 sliced tomato

Cheese Sauce:
-In skillet, Melt butter on medium heat, whisk in 1/4 cup of flour.
-Quickly add in milk & continue to whisk & cook on medium heat until it becomes thick/bubbly.
-Add cheeses, onion, salt & pepper, worcestershire, & paprika.
-Whisk until mixed thoroughly. Keep warm on low.

-For each individual plate: Layer toasted bread, then turkey slices, then cheese sauce. Top with tomato, bacon pieces, parmesan, and paprika.

-BROIL on HIGH until cheese is bubbly--> Should take 3-6 mins.
-Serve on hot pads & enjoy :)


-1.5 lbs of cooked chicken, shredded
-2 tablespoons butter
-1 onion, chopped fine
-1 can rotel
-1 can of black beans
-1 can of mexican corn
-1 large box of Chicken Broth
-2-3 tablespoons of Taco Seasoning
-1 package of low-fat cream cheese
-(optional:Tortilla chips, sour cream, cheddar cheese)

-Sautee onion in butter in large stock pot, until onion becomes clear in color
-Then mix in the rotel, black beans, corn, chicken broth.
-Add in taco seasoning.
-Stir in cream cheese.
-Serve when cream cheese is completely melted.
-Top with fav taco toppings, if desired :)

Both of those little numbers take less than 30 mins to prepare, and they are both delish!
  So if you work full time, like me, those types of meals are ideal on week nights :)
I'll be sure to share some more of our favs soon- I'd actually planned on putting some more in this post, but if I don't get my tail in gear,  my family won't have their dinner until 9pm tonight :)

Hope yall are having a great week!

Monday, September 15, 2014

Back in the Saddle

Guess who's back? 

Back again :)
(Please say you just sang those 2 sentences in your head, Eminem-style. Nothing would delight me more.)

Yeah, soooo its only taken me well over a year to feel like I have enough time to blog again, but who's really counting? 
Between coping with the first year of parenthood, having numerous changes occur within my job that required a ton of learning, time, & attention, I constantly feel like I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off.  I kept thinking I'd come back to blogging as soon as life slowed down for a hot minute.  But, that has never seemed to happen. 
However, I realize something recently....


And I'm 110% okay with that because I am one #blessed girl.

I should probably throw a disclaimer out about how incredibly deceiving that picture is...
It looks like Kevin and I have it pretty together, right?
Uhhhh. We totally do! About 25% of the time.
The other 75% of the time, we have no idea what we're doing with little man and are just trying to keep our heads above water.
But we get through it together, utilizing equal parts humor and wine. 


(Yes, we did take a child-free vacation to Sonoma when Brooks was 8 months old. Don't judge me :) It was worth every penny to have uninterrupted adult time for 5 straight days. Some call it selfish to take vacations without your kids... I call it "a reclaim on your personal sanity.")

I couldn't ask for a better guy to be doing this whole parenting thing with. Seriously. He knows how to keep me calm (no easy task), and help me find the humor in these crazy situations when I have problems seeing it.

Sorry, I completely got off topic.

Let me reiterate... these first few pics are incredibly deceiving. 

Our life is more accurate depicted by the situations/pictures below... 

For example, what in the hell do you do when you find your child drinking out of the dog bowls and/our playing in them on a consistent basis? 

Ummmm. You have no choice, but to laugh after it occurs 12390523 times.
I'm sure people are gonna get all Judge Judy on me and question my child's hygiene, but I can guarantee those are the people that don't have kids.
Don't worry, your time is coming. Get all your parenting opinions out now while you don't have any bc I love hearing them. They're all so credible :) 

Heres another example of our normal.... 
What about when your child starts stealing food off of other kids' plates at school, while trying to make it look like hes just nonchalantly walking around the lunch tables?
(Nevermind the fact he's already dominated his own lunch & snack. #fatsyhead)

Devious much?
While its absolutely hilarious, I'm also kind of like... holy embarrassing. 
I mean, do I send even more food? Do I send something to help ensure that his little tail stays in his seat? If so, what on earth does that look like? Should I start to be concerned about how much he seems to genuinely enjoy food? 
This is seriously what my first thought was when I was told about his food stealing ways...

Yes, I was worried that if my 1 year old continues with his eating habits throughout his childhood that he might wind up with Diabetes.
Totally normal.

Welcome to parenting, yall. 
Worrying about insane things is also I something I now do on the reg. 

Okay, heres something else I have concerns about..... 

So, this looks super sweet, right? 
And it honestly really is.
However, homeboy is super obsessed with animals. 
Like, he gets more excited to see his dogs than me when he gets home from school.
And he also prefers to stalk other people's dogs when visiting friends' homes vs. playing with his friends' toys.
No joke, he also called our dogs, "Mommas" for a solid 2 months. 
Can't lie, that one kind of hurt. Thank God he grew out of that phase. 
Now he just constantly follows our dogs around, making barking & panting sounds. 
Hmmmm. New revelation. Maybe he is confused & thinks that he IS a dog?
That would explain the dog bowl fascination :)

I'm just gonna continue to tell myself that his love of animals means that he's gonna be a super compassionate guy and will make a great father some day. 
Whatever helps me sleep at night, right? :)

Speaking of sleep, that sounds rather fabulous right now. 
But before I go, just know that yall have a lot of solid parenting/marriage/life stories & astute observations headed your way.  I've got 15 months of pint-up writing to get out :) 
Consider yourself warned.