Thursday, January 31, 2013

Got Munchies? And other random questions

The minute you get pregnant, I think people think it is their constitutional right to ask you any insane & extremely personal question that pops into their head. It absolutely blows my mind some of the things that people have asked me since being informed that I'm having a child.  I thought for some quality entertainment that I'd recap some of the ridiculousness & share these questions with yall.

Question 1: "I bet you're craving alllllll kinds of crazy food. So like, what kind of weird things have you been eating?"

Answer: Hate to crush everyone's hopes & dreams, but not everyone has these crazy "cravings" as soon as they get pregnant.  I'm about 5 1/2 months, & I have yet to have any MUST-HAVE cravings where I've sent Kev off to the grocery at 1am to fetch me something.  When people ask me that, it causes me to stop & wonder why they're asking that question.  Do I look like I've been having insane food cravings causing major weight gain? Is that a polite way of telling me I look like a cow? Or are you just genuinely curious?  And if I had been experiencing anything crazy, it kind of opens yourself up to some judgmental Judy's, pertaining to healthy eating while pregnant. 

Question 2: Isn't it SOOOOOO hard not drinking when everyone around you is?

Answer: Whatever do you mean? People are drinking around me & I don't get to partake? Thank you, Captain Obvious for that astute observation.  Seriously? Way to pour salt in my wound... Just kidding :)
To be really honest, it really doesnt bother me in the least anymore.  Its funny because at first, I really thought I would miss my wine more than anything. After awhile, you just kind of get used to being Sober Sally & roll on with your bad self.  Can't lie though, It does help that the smell of most types of alcohol makes me want to toss my cookies.  Is it fun being around my friends or family when their tipsy?  Hahahaha, yes.  It is hilarious to watch people having cocktails while you are 110% sober.  It makes for the most interesting entertainment one can imagine.  It might even trump Real Housewives.  Would I want to do it 5 nights a week?  Absolutely not.  

Question 3: What do you think you're going to name it? Or what do you think of (fill in blank) as a name?

Answer: Lord knows I used to be guilty of this question.  Everyone likes to either know what you're naming the child ASAP, or they LOVE to throw out suggestions.  I get an absolute kick when people tell me names they think are beautiful or fitting for my child because all I'm really thinking is how disgusting they are & what awful taste they have.  I know that sounds mean, but yall, you should HEAR some of the names people have told us to consider.  They would blow your mind.  At this point in the game, chances are you & your significant other have already landed on a name or have a few top contenders.  (Yes, we do know what we are naming this little man, but I'm saving that for a different blog post.) I also think its funny that people are so willing to tell their favorite names to people who are pregnant, because lets get real, I've had some favorite names I've wanted to name my child since I was in like, the 6th grade.  I'll be damned if I'm gonna share them.  Mainly because I know I'd be devastated if someone took my name.  And yes, I'm well aware that I sound about 12 years old & I know more than 1 person can have the same name, but lets try to be original.  

Question 4: "Sooo, how much weight have you gained so far?"

Answer: None of your damn business.  This question absolutely eats at me.  How would people like it if I asked them how much weight they've gained lately?  It truthfully takes everything in me to not slap someone when they ask me that.  Or I just want to cry.  Either way, my reaction to this question is not pretty. (Mom, are you listening?)  At the end of the day, I think every pregnant person is well aware that they're going to gain weight during the pregnancy.  I mean, you are carrying another person in there.  Duh.  Do you want to be reminded about it 24/7?  Or quizzed on it by random people? Thats a hell no.  One aspect about this question that drives me particularly insane is when people who have already had children throw out random numbers that they supposedly gained while pregnant.  It is MADDENING, especially when those people re a bit... ummm... fluffy & they throw out that they only gained 3 pounds while pregnant.  Ummm. Sure, sweetie. Whatever you say.  You realize a typical child weighs around 6-9 pounds, right? Okay, then.  Keep on truckin. 

Question 5: "Can I feel your stomach?"

Answer: Well, Can I feel YOUR  stomach first?  Yall, this question/action terrifies me more than any other question.  I'm not a very touchy/feely person, so when random people ask to feel this tiny bump that I'm now rolling with, I want to crawl under a chair.  Its one thing if you are a girlfriend or family member of mine, but PEOPLE DO NOT KNOW OR UNDERSTAND BOUNDARIES.  Luckily, since its been winter, I've been able to mask my bump so far, but when I'm wearing something that is kind of tight-fitting or don't have a jacket on, I think people think it is a free-for-all.  I would never ever ever ever ask a stranger if I could feel on their stomach.  It is so bizarre to me & I really don't understand the fascination.  Plus, its so intrusive.  Would you do that to me if I wasn't pregnant? No? Okay then, back off. So, unless we're friends, don't ask me because it might set me off into a panic attack :)

To conclude.... I swear I don't have a bad attitude about being pregnant & words cannot describe how excited I am to meet our little man.  I think I have just been completely overwhelmed & totally underprepared by how people react to pregnant people.  The thing about this post is that these questions are just a random sampling from the crazy questions I've gotten so far.  Don't worry, I'm sure I'll have more to report on in the coming months that will be equally terrifying.  So, if you're thinking about getting pregnant in the near future, I just encourage you to read this post & ask yourself if you're ready to deal with the utter insanity that surrounds you when you are carrying a child.  I tell Kevin all the time that I feel like a Science Project :) 

Well, that about wraps it up for me! Hope you all are having a great week! 

Friday, January 18, 2013

A Geriatric Friday Favorite

After my day was devoted to all things baby yesterday (IE: 5 Month Ultrasound, routine check-up, and not one, but TWO daycare tours), I thought I'd take a major break from all of the baby talk this week.

When I was thinking about this post, I was honestly having a hard time coming up with any new favorite items that I've purchased lately.  This is mainly because I haven't bought any new clothes recently, due the fact I feel like an obese cow & clothes shopping makes me contemplate scratching my eyeballs out.  Unfortunately, I have no new make-up items to report that I'm loving either. Sooo, what does that leave?

OH!  Housewares, duh.  
Because apparently you turn into a 62 year old the minute you get pregnant.  OR maybe I'm just forced into having to find sober fun in random places these days.  

Whatever the case, I am honestly OBSESSED with our most recent purchase, aka AMAZINGESS, 
The Bissell Proheat Pet Upright Deep Cleaner

I cannot even express how much fun I had with this bad boy last weekend.  I am literally obsessed with how well this low-cost, impulse purchase works.  
Allow me to provide you with an example.  As we all know, the Grays love their pets. And with a face like this, 

how could you not?? 
However, as much as I love our fur babies, those sloppy sloths drag in a phenomenal amount of foul business into our house.  Whether it be possum leftovers, dirty play bones that they've hidden outside, or just mud, our carpets wind up looking like homeless people have rolled around on our carpets after being outside all winter.
As a result, we have had to get our carpets cleaned every other month or so, which always winds up being around $125 or so.  Last Friday, I decided to take matters into my own hands on an after-dinner date to Walmart. (What? Isn't that where all of you spend your Friday nights? :)  )

And because my husband is an absolute professional with complaining about things over & over without taking action (ie: Carol, we need to get the carpets cleaned... Two days later.. We should get the carpets cleaned.  A week later.. We need to get this filthy carpet cleaned.), I finally convinced him that buying a carpet cleaner was 20 times more cost efficient than continuing to pay $125 every few months.
While homeboy had some majorrrrrrr reservations & also thought I was just having a crazy pregnancy moment for INSISTING  that we buy a carpet cleaner, he couldn't argue with the results.



And that is home carpet cleaning at its finest.  You can't tell me that you all had a more eventful Saturday morning than I did :)  
Don't fret though, for a mere $148.99, you can enjoy the Bissell Proheat Carpet Cleaner & all of its glory in your home too.  

That about wraps it up for me & my senior citizen Friday Favorite.  Maybe Next week I'll be obsessed with something even more exciting, like a new laundry detergent or something. Ha

Have a Great Weekend.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

I'm the most impatient person alive

So, a big portion of my job includes waiting in offices to see various people.  The wait time can range anywhere from 5 minutes to 2 hours.  It just honestly depends.  I consider myself insanely patient in this specific arena.  Once I've committed to waiting on someone, I'm there for the long haul.  One would think that that type of patience would carry over into all aspects of my life, right?

Bahahahahahaha, yeah right.

Its my personal theory that because I spend sooooo much time during the day testing my patience level, I have absolutely nothing left over.  Basically, I'm like a child who has been given 18 pixie sticks, coupled with a Mountain Dew (Oh wait, I guess that's just really a mad amount of Go-Go Juice, right? :)  ) when I'm forced to wait for anything.  For example, I've been known to write emails to Starbucks when I have to wait more than 10 minutes for my drink, if that tells you anything.

So, imagine what a raging psycho-path I have been about waiting to find out the
  gender of our child.  

I have probably googled "Old Wives Tales Gender Predictions" like 50 times at this point.  I. CANNOT. WAIT. Plus, I really cannot wait to answer people when they ask,
  "So, what are you expecting?"
Ummm, a giraffe... No, a puppy.  Yep, definitely expecting a puppy.  WTF? What do you think we're expecting? ITS A BABY, YALL.  Good grief.  

Soooo back to the crazy Old Wives Tales.  Don't judge me, but I've probably tried damn near every one of those insane tests to figure out what we are having.  To some of you, I'm sure you think I'm speaking in Swahhillli right now or you think I'm an absolutely nut-job who would actually put stock into these old wives tales.  But you. Just. Wait.  The anticipation of not knowing your child's gender for 4 (or more for some) months will eat you alive!

Anywho, I've been all of these crazy gender predictors like flies on sugar.  Let me give you all some examples:
1) If the heartbeat is high (over 140), then its a girl.  If it is lower, it is a boy.
Welll, baby Gray has been a wild beast every time we've heard it on the fetal doppler & its been in the 160s every time we've been, so that would indicate a girl.

2) If you're craving sweet things, its a girl.  If you're dying for salty or sour things, then its a boy.
I may or may not be eating Sour Patch Straws as I type this & go through packages of string cheese better than a 2nd grader, so that definitely indicates boy.

3) Chinese Birth Chart- This method sounds so wack because it takes uses the Lunar calendar (because I'm sure you have one of those lying around your house, right? uh huh) to figure out your gender by assessing your lunar age at conception, along with the lunar month of conception to calculate gender. 
Although it sounds absolutely insane, my OB told me (if done correctly), it is about 85% right.  Sooo,  utilizing this wack chart would mean baby Gray is a boy.  

4) Supposedly, your complexion can serve as a gender predictor.  If you start breaking out like an awkward 13 year old, then you're having a girl.  These crazy tales seem to think that if you're expecting a girl, she takes up all your beauty while you're pregnant.
My skin looks the exact same, which would also indicate baby Gray is a Boy.

5) Morning Sickness?  Apparently if you are sick as a dog, its a solid indicator that you are having a girl.  No morning sickness leans toward a boy.
Once again, I've been peachy keen (don't kick me mothers who have suffered from morning sickness!), which also says boy.

6) If you are carrying the baby Low, then it means you're having a boy.  If you're carrying high, then it means you're having a girl.
This one is kind of hard because my little bump is barely there.  It basically looks like I had too many cheeseburgers at night.  In the morning, it goes back to being basically non-existent.  However, when it does look like I robbed McDonalds or took a page out of the Hamburglers book, it looks kind of high to me, which says girl.

So, like I said at the beginning of this post, I am like a child who has been given 25 cupcakes the night before Christmas, waiting to find out if we're having a boy or girl.
The fabulous people at Baby Belly Spa were able to help us out & told us what we were having a few weeks ago.

*Side note: For those of you in Kentucky, I highly recommend going to Baby Belly Spa! It  is so incredibly plush & relaxing in side, and the ultrasound lady that we had was absolutely wonderful!*
So... without further adieu.... 

Baby Gray is a 


If you have ever stumbled upon any previous posts about my husband, you'll know why this news of our baby being a boy has now officially made him the most excited person on the face of the planet.  I honestly think he envisions him in utero wearing a UK jersey of some type :)  The child doesn't have a choice.. he will be a UK super fan, just like his dad :)
And Obviously, being the shopaholic I am, I have already bought some of the most studly outfits for my little man, and I cannot wait for him to look super handsome in them come June.  

Anywho, thats about all I've got for today!  Hope everyone has a fantastic week.  More to come on this crazy path I'm on!