Tuesday, July 12, 2011

My Little Kicks

I have a fairly off beat sense of humor.  I find hilarity in the most random things.  I can't help it- it runs in my family.  Kevin swears we all find the most ridiculous stuff funny.  One thing we all share a love for is corny jokes.  For example:

"Why don't cannibals eat clowns?"
     Answer: Because they taste funny. Bahahahahahahahaha.

I know you all are rolling hysterically on the ground right now, right? I know, I know- I'm a riot.  Oh don't worry, I've got more where that came from.

Momma Bear, Papa Bear, and Baby Bear went on a picnic.  Momma bear tells Papa Bear & Baby Bear that she still has some stuff she needs to get situated out, so they can play around the park until she gets finished setting up the food, blanket, etc.  So, about 15 minutes later, Momma Bear yells "Papa Bear... Baby Bear... Time for our lunch."
Well, Papa Bear was quite hungry, so he came back to their picnic setup in a hurry.  However, Baby Bear was still nowhere to be found.  Momma Bear & Baby Bear grew worried & began searching the park, yelling "Babbbbyyyyy Bearrrr... Babbbyyy Bearrrrr..." over & over.  THEN, out of nowhere, Baby Bear comes running from over the hill, waving his hands back & forth, hollering "RADIO!!!!! RADIO!!!!!!"

Question- how many times did yall read that & then question if you missed something?  Seriously.. how many?  The point of the joke is that there is absolutely no point.  It is absolutely my #1 favorite joke to tell with one of my family members.  9 times out of 10, when you & your co-conspirator start laughing at the end of the joke, the third party will immediately join in to laugh with you.  Then it gets even funnier because you know there is absolutely no point, yet they don't know that & they're literally laughing to act like they get this stupid joke.  I'd be lying to yall if I said I wasn't laughing right now, thinking of how many people my Dad & I have told that joke to.  I'm not kidding, I am beside myself with laughter as I type.  (Don't worry, you won't offend me if you think I'm a tard.  I understand that I have the maturity of 3rd grader, and I'm cool with it.)

Anywho, since Kevin doesn't always share my love of super funny jokes (Shocking, right?), I obviously have to look for other ways to entertain myself.
Let me introduce you to People of Walmart.com- (these next images are all taken at various Walmarts from across our great country. God Bless the USA.)  
Next Glamour Shot Outfit for sure!!!

I think he was torn on which look to go for... Garden Vixen or Black Tie Attire?

Homeboy has clearly never heard of the term "manscaping." Bless his heart.  Lets just hope there are razors in that cart.  After all, the heat index in KY today is supposed to be 110, but for this gentlemen, its probably 115.  

In all fairness, I probably could have been prominently featured on Peopleofwalmart.com after a particularly rough night, but so far, I've been lucky & managed to fly under the radar :) Phew. Thank goodness.

Now, if you find humor in the idiot decisions of others, let me also introduce you to Texts From Last Night.com.

**SIDE NOTE: To Big P & Jan: I would probably strop reading this post right now.  I will most likely get a lecture about how this site is only funny to people that have a low intelligence level & that you are appalled by the language/content on there.  So, lets just bypass that & you all click the little X button. Mmkay, thanks. Love you. **

These next texts are 100% real & 100% sent from someone who probably had consumed 8+ cocktails when the text message was sent.  As a fair warning, these texts get pretty crude & in appropriate, so if you're easily offended, I probably wouldn't venture to this website.

So, heres just a random sampling of texts from TFLN that provide you with a pretty good indication of what this website is all about....

(256): I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self. http://tfl.nu/pw1v

(207): Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america. http://tfl.nu/yc3t

(909): Talking to a male stripper.  About the LSAT.  Only in Vegas. http://tfl.nu/i4ub

(317): I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30. http://tfl.nu/4yw7

(843): So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay. http://tfl.nu/5u6r

(805): I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a b***h or something. http://tfl.nu/b077

(406): you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College" http://tfl.nu/x9bo

(409): You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate. http://tfl.nu/kfhp

As you can see, the texts are pretty over the top & mildly obscene, but thats what makes them so funny.  I think this website does 3 things extremely well.

1) Reiterates the point that under NO circumstances should you ever (and i mean EVER) send text messages while under the influence.  You will inevitably wake up with an immense feeling of regret and/or embarrassment.  (Not that I'd know or anything :)  I'm just looking out for you all!
2) Makes you feel better about your own life.  Seriously, the majority of the texts that are posted on there are insanely sloppy, and the only people I know who would actually send texts like that are either still in college, under the age of 21, or complete alcoholics.
3) Provides mindless entertainment for hours.  You could literally spend your whole day skimming through these ridiculous texts, and I guarantee you will be laughing at the site the whole time.  Basically because you will continue to be utterly amazed by the people OR situations that the texts reference.

Hahahahaha- Clearly I wasn't lying when I said I have an off beat sense of humor :)  However, if none of these things were able to have gotten at least a little smile or laugh out of you today, then I just can't help ya!  When I'm in a bad mood, these are my sure-fire go-tos to help perk me up.  I highly recommend them the next time you're in need of a good laugh :)
Well gang, thats it for now!


  1. Thank god texting wasn't that popular when I was in college...

  2. Oh gosh, I've nearly taken picture while at Walmart just to submit to that site!! I can't believe what some people think is appropriate.

    And I love TFLN!

    P.S. I read the bear joke twice- ha!

  3. People of Walmart is where I go to feel better about myself. I have a picture on my phone that I took while at Walmart one day of a guy in a kilt that I have yet to submit.
    And Texts from last night always makes me smile. Oh the hilarity.

  4. I reread the three bears joke like four times before I read the next paragraph... thanks for making me feel like an idiot! seriously though, I was so confused.... haha!

    such a fun post, I definitely laughed a few times [I love TFLN, have you seen wrong number texts, it's just as good]! :)

  5. Ok the bear joke... NOT funny... lol I read it like five times and thought, surely I am not that retarded... hahahaha ;) then read the next sentence and was pissed ha. XO still love ya. I should post your texts about your slutty dishwasher... I may do that soon! bahahaha

  6. Have you checked out Damnyouautocorrect.com? That is my go to funny site!