Thursday, August 30, 2012

The Best Laid Plans....

In a perfect world, I had big plans to dazzle yall with my amazing intellect by doing a three part series relating to me being finished with my MBA.

Key Phrase: In a perfect world.

However, in the real world, this first post back has absolutely nothing to do with my new professional degree or any of the knowledge acquired during my MBA program.

Instead, lets discuss the utter debacle I walked into find when I came home tonight.  So, everyone knows- I absolutely adore my animals..  All 5 of them.  (If you're a new follower, just stick with me.  I know it sounds hoarder-esque, but I swear we're relatively normal.)

HOWEVER, my love for my furry friends immediately gets thrown into questionable mode when they're destructive towards any of my beloved materialistic items.  You know, such as my shoes?  Or yoga pants?
Nevertheless, nothing gets me more upset than walking into the house to find that they have done some damage to our house.  And honestly, our mini petting zoo has done absolutely nothing in almost a year to vandalize our home.  In fact, I was bragging to some of my accounts TODAY that all of our animals can be trusted at home, sans their crates, while we're at work.

Way to completely jinx myself...........

**Fair warning- If you have a sensitive stomach, you might want to skip over this next little section.  I can't lie- its pretty foul**

Don't worry... those stains that were strung across our formal living room are just remnants of a POSSUM that our sweet suburban dogs found in our yard, & subsequently desecrated.  
No big thing, right?


Jack Hannah might not consider that little roadshow a big obstacle to deal with, but for me?
Good God Almighty, if anyone had seen my reaction to that hot mess, they would have thought I had walked into the aftermath of a crime scene. I MEAN, WE LIVE IN THE SUBURBS?!? Dogs aren't supposed to hunt possums in the flipping suburbs?  Wait, I don't think dogs in the suburbs typically hunt anything.  
Obviously, Lucy the Cat continues to be a horrendous influence on our precious puppies.

And honestly, that picture doesn't even do the mess in my living room justice. 
*Side note: Don't worry-I'm not going to be that crazy parent that describes my children's bowel movements via my blog, facebook, or twitter.  TMI, people.  TMI. Ew*

The only reason I took the picture in the first place was to properly convey to Kevin how completely disgusting & overwhelming the mess and correlating smell was to walk in on when I came home today.

The stench was so honestly so overwhelming that I IMMEDIATELY sprung into Mr. Clean mode the very minute I saw the damage.  The best part about my Monica Gellar impression was that I started attacking the carpet stains with absolutely no regards to the fact that I was still in my work clothes, which included my wedding bands. And black patent high heels. 

Such a massive fail on my part.  Now my clothes have a sufficient dog feces/road kill smell to them.  Pretty terrible, but don't doubt for a second that those bad boys aren't headed to the dry cleaners tomorrow morning.  

So, one thing I can tell you all an MBA CANNOT do for you?

Ummm, teach you the necessary steps and proper remedies to clean up a doggy-defaced living room.
So, whats a girl to do?

Turn it to Pinterest, duh.

And because I'm a paranoid freak, I was petrified to leave the house again in fear of more stains magically appearing on our carpet while I was gone.  So, I had to concoct my homemade carpet cleaner from random home products I already had around the house.

So without further adieu, meet my All-Star Cleaning Team.


I know, I know, it looks like I'm trying to win the neighborhood science fair, but my concoction wound up being AAAAMMMAAAZINGGGG!

Generally, my pet stain Go-To is the Nature's Miracle.  That spray usually does the trick damn near every time.  However, its not every day your dogs perform their best "Survivor" audition, and their battle-wound rejection winds up on your floor.  
So, when that happens, here is what will be your new-found MIRACLE stain remover....

"I OWN YOU, STAIN" Carpet Cleaner
-Hydrogen peroxide
-Dish Soap ( I used Palmolive- worked like a charm)

-Combine all 3 ingredients in a spray bottle
-Spray on foul/disgusting/terrible/god-awful/no-good/very bad stain
-Let sit 3 mins
-Attack with wet cloth
-If it doesn't all come up in the first try, wait a bit & try again.  The second time should do the trick.

So after trying out my new cleaning solution, I am pleased to report that I don't think we'll have to rip up that carpet to deal with our dogs' newfound rodent fetish.

Maybe I'm jaded because I've been staring at it since 5 pm, but that stain looks infinitely better to me.

After dealing with that stress & mess, I'm kind of contemplating writing my University a heart-felt letter insisting that they develop a graduate (or hell- undergrad even) class devoted to advanced house-keeping skills.  Because lets face it- there is no class on earth that teaches you how to handle possum and rodent residue. 
 And believe me, I would know.. I do live in Kentucky, after all :)

Alright guys- In all seriousness, I am beyond excited to be finished with grad school, and I cannot wait to get back into my blogging rhythm.

Thats about it for now.  Chat soon!


  1. UMM HOLY HELL I want to vomit all over your freshly cleaned rug. I would have just died. Completely died.

  2. Great googley moogley that is awful! Good for you for doing something. I would have call the hubby and been like FIX THIS NOW!

  3. I would've kicked all the animals outside, then left myself -- I think that would be motivation for a killer workout, and to allow me to be mentally prepared to deal with it! Thank you for reminding me why it's not a good idea for me to have pets -- I know most of the time they're great, but I don't have the time, money, or stomach to be able to handle that right now! :)

  4. When I saw your tweet I was afraid it was something like this!!!! If this kind of thing happens again...well, which I hope it doesnt...we have a carpet shampooer you can borrow!

  5. I regularly think that I am ready for a dog... Then I read stuff like this and realize that I do not have the stomach to handle pet mess. Maybe after I have had kids? Haha! You are hilarious!