Friday, December 30, 2011

My 3 Year Old Life Coach

So obviously, I am going to skip a Christmas post.  Not because I had a bad Christmas, mind you (The husband even managed to purchase me an actual present for Christmas.  I guess the cash-back option at Target wasn't working.... Juuuust kidding.) I am just completely absent-minded when I'm on vacation, which means I forgot to take any pictures during our Holiday events. Woops....
However, as we all know, the Holidays are ALL about some family time, which suits me just fine.  Both of our families are wildly entertaining.  But I'll have to say that this little Monkey is by FAR the most entertaining character we have around these days.

Hot. Mess. Express. 
So for those of you who don't know, the above picture is of my Niece, Riley.  She's 3, and very good at it.  Homegirl is also fixing to be a BIG SISTER (as evidenced by her shirt above) next week, so the countdown is on for her parents (aka my sister in-law & her hubs).  Anywho, I figured my Sister In-law & Bro In-law could use a night to themselves, so I offered to watch Riley last week so they could go out to her Christmas Party.  I can always rely on Riley to make me laugh, but let me tell you, little girl was ON POINT that night.  Granted, I may or may not have let her eat about an POUND of Christmas Candy to wind her up to get her that way (Sorry Erin), but lawddddd, that child is funny.  Annnnd does wonders for my Ego--especially when she tells me that I am her "smallest, youngest Aunt."  And when I asked her about how old she thought I was, she replied with "Ummm, 9. Yeah. 9."  Um, hello? Stuff like that is why she is my favorite niece (Granted, she is my only niece at the moment, but thats a minor detail.)
In addition to being a little Ego booster, I decided that a person could seriously take some cues from the way Riley lives her life.  Let me provide yall with a few examples....

1) When in doubt, ALWAYS lie about your age.  Higher or lower, it doesn't really matter, just fib if you get confused.  Because if you're cute, you'll get away with it.  
Riley is utterly fascinated by iPhones, so she got a HUGE kick out of the Facetime feature on the iPhone 4.  When she was over, we facetimed my Dad, who asked her how old she was.  Riley's answer, "Ummm 5!!!" I respond with, "Riley, show him how many you are." Then, she proceeded to hold up 4 fingers.  Yall- she doesn't turn 4 until next September.  Regardless, due to her cuteness, I'm pretty sure my dad thought I was lying about her age & she was the one telling the truth.  

I swear, she is only 3.  This was taken in September, I promise.

2) Who CARES what's in style- Express your Individualism.  
Like most 3 year old little girls, Riley LOVES all things girlie.  As yall know, my make-up addiction has led to me having an insane make-up collection, which is knowledge that Riley is privy to.  So, anytime I'm around her, she digs through my purse to find the goods.  And she's no different at our house.  She leads me straight up to our bathroom to try out any new make-up and/or nail polish that her Aunt CeCe has stashed away (Riley calls me CeCe because Caroline = waaay too hard for her to say when she was learning to talk.)
Last week, Riley's big hot button was nail polish, so we had to scour over my bazillion colors of nail polish- half of which are probably inappropriate for a 3 year old.  Don't worry guys, I kept her away from all of my dark purples, blacks, browns, etc.  Call me crazy, but I just didn't really think the gothic nails went with her bright blue hair bow.  So after that debate, she insisted that I paint 5 of her toes in a purple-sparkly polish, 2 toes bright orange, 2 toes light pink, and 1 bright red.  I tried negotiating with her to make them all be 1 color... or even alternating colors, but I lost that battle in a hurry. But hey- whatever floats her boat, right?  
Make-up application was just as spastic.  I always let her do her own make-up application, sooo of course, she not only put blush all over her face, she also found it necessary to accompany the blush on her cheeks w/ about 19 different colors of eye-shadow.  None of which wound up on her eyes, just solely on her cheeks.  Quite the look, let me tell ya! When I questioned her about the eye-shadow on her face, Riley explained that the eye shadow had the MOST SPARKLES so she needed it all over.  Duh, CeCe.  So again, go on with your bad self & do your own thing.  (Granted, I made her take it all off before playing with anything else because she legit looked like she was gonna hit up a late night Rave w/ the 59 colors/sparkle combo all over her cute face. Seriously- all she needed was some glow sticks & she would've been good as gold.)
Riley rationale--I know wearing 1 Tutu is cool, but I think I'll wear 3.  Why not? :)

3) Pick your battles, because if not, no one will wind up happy.    
Like I said before, Riley is 3... and good at it.  Sometimes trying to get her to do something is like trying to herd a group of cats.  Its ridiculously impossible.  So, there are just certain times where you have to just bargain with her to get her to do what you want her to do.  When she was over last week, homegirl straight up refused to eat her dinner (Easy Mac... usually her #1 favorite meal in the world), yet she was DYING to eat Gummies.  So obviously, when there are starving children in African, I'm not gonna waste a whole thing of Easy mac if there wasn't a chance in hell she was gonna eat it.  Instead, I told her if she could find something in my pantry to be her dinner, she could eat Gummies as a dessert.  Done and Done.  Granted, she opted for a bag of Kettle Corn, but hey- its still relatively healthy & she ate dern near the whole bag.  Then, I was happy because she had some (quasi) dinner & she was happy because she got her Gummies! Everyone wins.  
4) Do things JUST because you can.  
One of my absolute favorite Riley-isms is her ability to justify WHY she does certain things.  One such example went as follows:
Me: "Riles, why exactly was she jumping up & down on our couch?
Riley: " BECAUSE I'M 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Hmmm. Can't really argue with that justification, can you?  Or, how about this?
Me (after realizing she fed Hudson, our dog, half a bag of giant marshmellows): "WOMAN! Why have you fed Hudson 8000 marshmellows???
Riley: "Cuzz..... I just wanted to CECE."
Well, again, I can't really argue with that rationale either.  Its not like we've ever had a heart to heart discussing Hudson's dietary habits, so if I was 3, I'd probably want to feed Hudson marshmellows too.
The best example came when she threw this little curve ball at me....
Riley: "CeCe, you & Keeebbbin (aka Kevin) should have a wittle BABY!!!"
Me (Completely flabbergasted & at a loss for words): "Ummmm, uhhhh.... why on earth do you think that, Riley?"
Riley (Looking at me like I'm slowest person on Earth) : "Cuz.... you CAN!!!! And you're silly!"
Oh, well then, in that case, I'll be sure to get right on that because those are such valid points & will make child-rearing a complete breeze......

So basically, if you're on the fence about a major life decision, just go ask Riley her thoughts on the matter.  I'm sure she'll coach you through the whole thought process :)  Sure, her methodology might be a tad unorthodox, but you can't really argue with the sentiment behind her thoughts!  

Anyways, I cannot believe New Years Eve is tomorrow!!  Our plans consist of watching UK (hopefully) put a beat down on those dirty UofL Cardinal birds, and then, as my sweet girl, Steph,  so eloquently stated in her post yesterday, yall know the Kentucky Bourbon will be flowing like crazy as we ring in the New Year w/ a party with all our dear friends! So So So excited for the festivities to begin.  Lets kick this 4 day weekend off w/ the sweetest NYE song of all time.  I am completely obsessed.

Now all thats left for me to do is find a dress :)  Have a great New Years yall!!!!! Xoxoxo


  1. I'm a new follower - I'm a Lexington girl too. I love your blog, girl. You are hilarious!

  2. Girl, your daughter is absolutely precious! Looks just like her mama! If you get a chance, check out my blog. I'm a new blogger and need some support!:)

  3. Hilarious post! Love that you gave the parents-to-be (again) a night out. Happy New Year!

  4. Ok-WHERE can I find myself a Riley???? Talk about most adorable child EVVVVVA!!! 3 tutus...perfect!

    Totally with and Kebbin need to have miniatures soon!! Because, you can and you're silly. OMG-mini Carolines. THe world wouldn't know what to do with itself!!!

    Have a wonderfullllll New Years, love!!!!

  5. Oh and, ummm, it looks like homegirl Ashlee who commented above me is under the impression Riley is yours!? Ha. How awesome would THAT be?!

  6. She is too cute!! Love all of her advice haha!

  7. She is ADORABLE and I am laughing at how you said herding a group of cats! Seriously, that's funny!!!

    Happy New Year!!!

  8. I love her logic! "Because I cannnn!!!" She is too cute. What is it w/little girls liking the wild nail polish? My little cousin wanted to paint my toes 10 different colors last time she was here (and she chose EXACTLY 10). PS, I thought of you yesterday at the gym--I overheard someone talking about a fanny pack and thought back to your cruise post/our email about my MIL wondering WHY she couldn't find a fanny pack! haha random

  9. ugh love that video/song - brings back the 500 days of summer heartbreak!

  10. I am going to try to incorporate all of these lessons into my life in 2012! Just because I CANNNN. Love it!

  11. Haha she sounds like quite a character! 3 is such a great age!

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