Friday, November 16, 2012


Continuing on with my November project on the various things I'm thankful for....

Today, I am incredibly thankful for......

Definition: the hilarious actions/sayings/habits of my Mother, Jan.

For those of you who have followed my blog for awhile or know my family, one thing that is evident is that I am extremely close to both of my parents.  Its interesting because in high school, my parents were the epitome of strict parents.  No joke, I had the earliest curfew and most rules of any of my friends.  I considered it controlling, they considered it their way of ensuring I stayed alive until I was 18.  Seeing how I'm still kicking at age 27, I guess there was some legitimacy to their madness.  

Anywho, I maintain that they exerted so much energy into being "super-parents" while I was in high school, the minute I went to college, they were absolutely finished being parents.  Instead, they quickly morphed into some type of mythical creature, known as the friend formerly known as my parent(s).  

Ohhh you know, just Pat & Jan, getting their groove on.
At my wedding.

So, as a result of this change, Pat & Jan have become increasingly more entertaining over the past 9 years.  I usually tell people that Pat & Jan are two 24 year olds, trapped in 58 year old bodies.  They are much cooler than I am, seeing how my Dad tells me what music to buy off itunes, the best new tv shows, & what new apps to download, while Jan tells me the latest fashion trends.    

But I digress... I am thankful for both of my parents.  However, I am REALLLLLLLYYYYYYY
grateful for all of my mother's hilariousness, especially because its untended to be hilarious 99% of the time.  
Allow me to provide you with some examples:

So obviously, as I mentioned previously, Jan is 58.  She wasn't even alive during the Great Depression.  She wasn't even in the womb during the Great Depression, but don't worry, she still has SCARS from its aftermath.  Jan will honestly save any AND all food that comes her way.  Her refrigerator is kind of like a big box of (sometimes not so great) tin foil surprises.  (She may or may not have saved taco bell & ate it for dinner later on that week, after we brought it home one late cocktail-laden night...) Anything that can be put in the freezer, will be saved for at least 6+ months.  Milk?  Cheese? Chili from last year?  No problem!  Jan's house has got to be one of the government's top 10 safe places if we ever have bomb threats because she could feed an army w/ her food supply.  

Maybe its because shes from a very very very very small town in Western Kentucky & they didn't believe in vocabulary testing, but sweet Jan would definitely never ever qualify for any type of spelling contests.  Keep in mind, she is an RN, so lord knows shes a smart cookie when it comes to science, but I definitely would not trust her with teaching my children how to spell.  Over the years, she has asked me to spell the following words for her: Orange, successful, embarrassing, succinct, provolone (except she pronounces it provolonEY), Gray (as in my last name), and that is just to name a few.  If you want to laugh, just imagine what her texts look like because she talks in nurse abbreviations & avoids spelling out anything.

3) "I just already really miss Doron Lamb. He was just so cute.  If he stayed around another year, I think we could've been great friends."

Like any good Kentucky girl, Jan LOOOOVEESSS her some Kentucky basketball.  I'm not going to lie, it kind of stung to lose everyone to the NBA this year.  I'm certain we will grow to love our team, but right now, I think all of us still kind of miss our boys in blue from last year.  Jan, after a couple of cocktails, began talking about how she really didn't miss the whole team from last year.  Nope nope nope.  Jan JUST misses Doron Lamb.  In Jan's words, "I just think he was the cute glue that held everything together.  I can just tell he was a lot of fun.  And soooo cute. Honestly, you guys,  I really think if he would have stayed around for another year, we could've been friends.  I mean, I'm really fun too."  
Bahahahaha, there are just no words for that little monologue.  Gotta love her honesty & modesty though, right?

4) "AM I DOING THIS RIGHT?!?.... Can you SEEEEE me?!?"
Jan + technology = epic disaster.  Anything technologically advanced just absolutely overwhelms Miss Jan. You know the copy/paste function that is an absolute basic action on any computer?  This action just blows Jan's mind.  Changing fonts?  Holy hell, you might as well ask her to translate Egyptian.  
However, we were pleasantly surprised about how well she has managed to do with her iphone.  Homegirl can completely navigate her apps, surf the web, and text people like a pro off of that bad boy.  Its amazing how well she does with it.  
Of course, that was with her 3GS.  She upgraded to the 4S.  Anyone want to guess what is still rocking her world on the 4S?
If you guessed FACETIME, you get a gold star from me!  Now, she has mastered calling me on facetime, but she forgets that I can actually SEE everything she is doing while were on it.  Or she forgets how to rotate the camera when shes trying to show me something in her house.    
The funniest aspect of Jan on facetime is that she still is so utterly fascinated by it, and gets huge kicks out of it EVERY time we do it.  

As evidenced by the picture, Jan + facetime = the ridiculousness of if you gave a camera to a 4 year old, but even funnier because shes a grown woman.  If you know Jan & have facetime, I highly recommend you giving her a ring.  It will definitely be worth your while.

In conclusion, I am incredibly blessed & thankful that Jan is my Momma.  Trust me, there is no other human-being on this Earth like her.  Her Jan-isms make my life infinitely better & make my days filled with laughter.  I just hope I can be half the Mom to my kids that Jan has been to me.

Okay, that about wraps it up for me.  Have a fabulous weekend!  Get excited for Thanksgiving next week! woooo hooooo!!!


  1. Having received my text, you already are not alone. Though my mom's not THAT funny, ha. And I'm certain she'd have no idea who Doron Lamb even is.

  2. hahahaha Jan and Chris's mom, Cathi, need to hang out! They would be BFF and that is no lie. Cathi posts on Coach Cal's wall on a bi-weekly basis and says sentimental things that she actually believes he will respond to (don't have the heart to tell her he won't ha) When the bball boys got drafted she was writing on their walls "good luck, and she will miss them and thanks for all their efforts for Ky" bahaha I love her more than anything, but can't help but laugh! ;) And Chris DIES everytime she gets on fbook, he is like oh lordy who's wall is she writing on now? Ha!