Friday, November 16, 2012


Continuing on with my November project on the various things I'm thankful for....

Today, I am incredibly thankful for......

Definition: the hilarious actions/sayings/habits of my Mother, Jan.

For those of you who have followed my blog for awhile or know my family, one thing that is evident is that I am extremely close to both of my parents.  Its interesting because in high school, my parents were the epitome of strict parents.  No joke, I had the earliest curfew and most rules of any of my friends.  I considered it controlling, they considered it their way of ensuring I stayed alive until I was 18.  Seeing how I'm still kicking at age 27, I guess there was some legitimacy to their madness.  

Anywho, I maintain that they exerted so much energy into being "super-parents" while I was in high school, the minute I went to college, they were absolutely finished being parents.  Instead, they quickly morphed into some type of mythical creature, known as the friend formerly known as my parent(s).  

Ohhh you know, just Pat & Jan, getting their groove on.
At my wedding.

So, as a result of this change, Pat & Jan have become increasingly more entertaining over the past 9 years.  I usually tell people that Pat & Jan are two 24 year olds, trapped in 58 year old bodies.  They are much cooler than I am, seeing how my Dad tells me what music to buy off itunes, the best new tv shows, & what new apps to download, while Jan tells me the latest fashion trends.    

But I digress... I am thankful for both of my parents.  However, I am REALLLLLLLYYYYYYY
grateful for all of my mother's hilariousness, especially because its untended to be hilarious 99% of the time.  
Allow me to provide you with some examples:

So obviously, as I mentioned previously, Jan is 58.  She wasn't even alive during the Great Depression.  She wasn't even in the womb during the Great Depression, but don't worry, she still has SCARS from its aftermath.  Jan will honestly save any AND all food that comes her way.  Her refrigerator is kind of like a big box of (sometimes not so great) tin foil surprises.  (She may or may not have saved taco bell & ate it for dinner later on that week, after we brought it home one late cocktail-laden night...) Anything that can be put in the freezer, will be saved for at least 6+ months.  Milk?  Cheese? Chili from last year?  No problem!  Jan's house has got to be one of the government's top 10 safe places if we ever have bomb threats because she could feed an army w/ her food supply.  

Maybe its because shes from a very very very very small town in Western Kentucky & they didn't believe in vocabulary testing, but sweet Jan would definitely never ever qualify for any type of spelling contests.  Keep in mind, she is an RN, so lord knows shes a smart cookie when it comes to science, but I definitely would not trust her with teaching my children how to spell.  Over the years, she has asked me to spell the following words for her: Orange, successful, embarrassing, succinct, provolone (except she pronounces it provolonEY), Gray (as in my last name), and that is just to name a few.  If you want to laugh, just imagine what her texts look like because she talks in nurse abbreviations & avoids spelling out anything.

3) "I just already really miss Doron Lamb. He was just so cute.  If he stayed around another year, I think we could've been great friends."

Like any good Kentucky girl, Jan LOOOOVEESSS her some Kentucky basketball.  I'm not going to lie, it kind of stung to lose everyone to the NBA this year.  I'm certain we will grow to love our team, but right now, I think all of us still kind of miss our boys in blue from last year.  Jan, after a couple of cocktails, began talking about how she really didn't miss the whole team from last year.  Nope nope nope.  Jan JUST misses Doron Lamb.  In Jan's words, "I just think he was the cute glue that held everything together.  I can just tell he was a lot of fun.  And soooo cute. Honestly, you guys,  I really think if he would have stayed around for another year, we could've been friends.  I mean, I'm really fun too."  
Bahahahaha, there are just no words for that little monologue.  Gotta love her honesty & modesty though, right?

4) "AM I DOING THIS RIGHT?!?.... Can you SEEEEE me?!?"
Jan + technology = epic disaster.  Anything technologically advanced just absolutely overwhelms Miss Jan. You know the copy/paste function that is an absolute basic action on any computer?  This action just blows Jan's mind.  Changing fonts?  Holy hell, you might as well ask her to translate Egyptian.  
However, we were pleasantly surprised about how well she has managed to do with her iphone.  Homegirl can completely navigate her apps, surf the web, and text people like a pro off of that bad boy.  Its amazing how well she does with it.  
Of course, that was with her 3GS.  She upgraded to the 4S.  Anyone want to guess what is still rocking her world on the 4S?
If you guessed FACETIME, you get a gold star from me!  Now, she has mastered calling me on facetime, but she forgets that I can actually SEE everything she is doing while were on it.  Or she forgets how to rotate the camera when shes trying to show me something in her house.    
The funniest aspect of Jan on facetime is that she still is so utterly fascinated by it, and gets huge kicks out of it EVERY time we do it.  

As evidenced by the picture, Jan + facetime = the ridiculousness of if you gave a camera to a 4 year old, but even funnier because shes a grown woman.  If you know Jan & have facetime, I highly recommend you giving her a ring.  It will definitely be worth your while.

In conclusion, I am incredibly blessed & thankful that Jan is my Momma.  Trust me, there is no other human-being on this Earth like her.  Her Jan-isms make my life infinitely better & make my days filled with laughter.  I just hope I can be half the Mom to my kids that Jan has been to me.

Okay, that about wraps it up for me.  Have a fabulous weekend!  Get excited for Thanksgiving next week! woooo hooooo!!!

Monday, November 5, 2012

November Post #2- I'm thankful for not getting kicked out of Old Navy

No, I didn't pull a Lindsey Logan & give myself a 5 finger discount. Oh no, instead, I put on an Oscar winning performance about my severe distaste over Kev's latest (& hands down most ridiculous/clownie) move to date, while in a public place.
Before I make it seem like I've completely gone off the deep end, let me go back just a bit & fill you in on all the details...
My sweet Momma came into visit me on Friday night, which is always a solid time. Her visits usually consist of quality Jan/Carol time, which includes really good meals & shopping. After enjoying a fabulous meal on Friday night, we got an early start to our very mapped-out shopping agenda on Saturday morning.
We were literally gone 30 mins & my mom gets a phone call from Kev. I should have known he had monumentally screwed up when Jan kept walking away from me & literally hiding from me in Old Navy.
Finally, she finds me & says "Kevin is okay. He's been in a minor accident."
Of course I immediately go into hyperventilating mode, thinking that something is horribly wrong  with my husband, ie: concussion, broken limb, etc.  

But then Miss Jan quickly follows up with,
 "He backed into my car. In your drive-way." 

Hold the flipping phone.
Better yet-
He backed into a parked car even though his SUV has a BACK UP CAMERA?!?
Kev's Car

Back up- Camera in Kev's car.

Are you serious?
No wonder my mom was trying to hide this news from me. I wasn't just a little upset. I was Britney Spears with an umbrella & shaved head, circa 2007 angry.


Now, I know mistakes happen. However, for those of you who are married, how insanely annoying is it to tell your spouse something 849592940 times, and have them ignore you, only to reap the repercussions for ignoring you at a later date?  Welcome to my Saturday morning. 
Kevin will even vouch for the fact that I have honestly yelled at him for months that  he doesn't pay close enough attention when he backs out of our driveway, and that he needs to fix these driving habits ASAP. With the vast number of kids on our street, it always worries me that he won't be paying attention & run over someone/something.  On this particular Saturday, Kev was far too busy getting amped up to watch UK lose yet another game &/ or checking out how he looked in his game Day attire to either check out his mirrors or BACK UP CAMERA.  Sweet Jesus. 

Anywho, while my Mom was trying to console Kevin about his driving blunder, I was in the background, using choice language for his actions, along with vigorously texting him about how he should listen to me more often.  
Thank GOD, it was early in the day & not very many people were around, because God knows I made a scene.
Obviously, I did calm down after awhile, but the scene I made in Old Navy was pretty ugly & I am not proud of it at all.  
To keep my November Project going, I just want to say that I am incredibly grateful for the kind people of Old Navy for understanding me wanting to karate chop my husband, and not calling SECURRRRIIITY on my crazy self.

Again, while Kevin's ditzy driving moves are kind of funny now, I did not see the humor on Saturday.  So, I am also thankful for my Mom for not only dealing with my 20 kinds of bat Sh** craziness, but also still wanting to hang out with me after my tiny outburst(s).

Anyway,  I know this isn't the normal "what I'm thankful for in November" post, but tough cookies :)  My life isn't exactly normal half the time, so my posts regarding my gratitude probably won't be either.  Ha!  Anyway, that about wraps it up for me on this Monday.   Be sure to check back with what the November forces me to be thankful for next!!

Thursday, November 1, 2012

A November Project- Really Giving Thanks :)

Those who know me well in the blogging world have known that I have been struggling with some major writer's block these past few months.  (And excessively whining about it too, just ask Pink Lou Lou and The Bargain Blonde.  I've been borderline obnoxious about my frustrations.  Love you 2 for sticking with me :)   ) While I have been cough busy? cough with my pinterest projects & cooking, I've also just been suffering from a total and complete brain freeze.

So, since its November (can you believe it??), which month contains Thanksgiving, aka my favorite holiday, I thought I would pay it homage by blogging this whole about the simple things I'm grateful for in my life.  

I know, I know, its kind of trendy & overdone, but lets face it: I think we'd all lead much happier lives if we focused on the things that we're thankful for instead of wishing for the things we don't have.  **Side note**- My mom actually did this for a WHOLE year.  While I consider myself a very blessed person, I'm afraid if I tried that, I'd wind up with posts like, "Today I'm thankful for not punching (Fill in blank)'s teeth in.  Or "Today I'm thankful for people not talking to me in offices, " etc.  So instead of chancing myself getting salty during these posts, I thought I'd just try for a month to see how it goes...)

Soooo, here we go.

What I'm thankful for on November 1st.....

As goofy as this sounds, I'm truly grateful for Halloween & Trick or Treaters.  We live in a HUGE subdivision, so every year, it is a production.  On average, we typically have to spend between $50-70 on candy because there are SOOOOO many kids in our neighborhood.  While some people (ahem, I'm lookin at you, Kevin Gray), get a bit grumpy about having to supply such an ample amount of sweet treats, it inevitably winds up being a really fun night.  

And last night was no different, nor would I want it to be.  Below is a pic of our sidewalk at one point last night....


Seriously- how much fun is that??  While debby downer Kev tried his hardest to not be into it, the funny kids in our neighborhood eventually won him over by the end of the night.  Lets be honest- its kind of hard to stay cynical when you've got little kids dressed up as Bengals' Football players, Power Rangers (who knew they were still popular, right??), and bumblebees at your door, asking for candy :)  Plus, you should note that we have the parents in the background, sipping on adult beverages, making it that much more entertaining of a night. I've said it once, and I'll say it again- I ADORE Halloween & I'm truly thankful that I get to live in a neighborhood that celebrates it with such gusto. 

Oh... and one other reason why I am thankful for Halloween? 

Nooooo, I swear, its not just because of the left over candy. (Although, that is an added bonus, aside from the fact I have no self restraint.  My wrapper piles are embarrassing.)

In reality, 
Halloween actually holds a special place in my heart because mine & Kev's first "real date" was to a Chi O Halloween Date party, over 6 years ago.

Don't you love the throw-back pic?? So hot. Wait.. no.

So, obviously, I will forever be grateful to this silly Holiday because without it, I might have never fallen for a boy dressed up as a wounded patient :)

Well, that about does it for me.  Be sure to check in all this month now that I've found SOMETHING to blog about again :)