Thursday, January 31, 2013

Got Munchies? And other random questions

The minute you get pregnant, I think people think it is their constitutional right to ask you any insane & extremely personal question that pops into their head. It absolutely blows my mind some of the things that people have asked me since being informed that I'm having a child.  I thought for some quality entertainment that I'd recap some of the ridiculousness & share these questions with yall.

Question 1: "I bet you're craving alllllll kinds of crazy food. So like, what kind of weird things have you been eating?"

Answer: Hate to crush everyone's hopes & dreams, but not everyone has these crazy "cravings" as soon as they get pregnant.  I'm about 5 1/2 months, & I have yet to have any MUST-HAVE cravings where I've sent Kev off to the grocery at 1am to fetch me something.  When people ask me that, it causes me to stop & wonder why they're asking that question.  Do I look like I've been having insane food cravings causing major weight gain? Is that a polite way of telling me I look like a cow? Or are you just genuinely curious?  And if I had been experiencing anything crazy, it kind of opens yourself up to some judgmental Judy's, pertaining to healthy eating while pregnant. 

Question 2: Isn't it SOOOOOO hard not drinking when everyone around you is?

Answer: Whatever do you mean? People are drinking around me & I don't get to partake? Thank you, Captain Obvious for that astute observation.  Seriously? Way to pour salt in my wound... Just kidding :)
To be really honest, it really doesnt bother me in the least anymore.  Its funny because at first, I really thought I would miss my wine more than anything. After awhile, you just kind of get used to being Sober Sally & roll on with your bad self.  Can't lie though, It does help that the smell of most types of alcohol makes me want to toss my cookies.  Is it fun being around my friends or family when their tipsy?  Hahahaha, yes.  It is hilarious to watch people having cocktails while you are 110% sober.  It makes for the most interesting entertainment one can imagine.  It might even trump Real Housewives.  Would I want to do it 5 nights a week?  Absolutely not.  

Question 3: What do you think you're going to name it? Or what do you think of (fill in blank) as a name?

Answer: Lord knows I used to be guilty of this question.  Everyone likes to either know what you're naming the child ASAP, or they LOVE to throw out suggestions.  I get an absolute kick when people tell me names they think are beautiful or fitting for my child because all I'm really thinking is how disgusting they are & what awful taste they have.  I know that sounds mean, but yall, you should HEAR some of the names people have told us to consider.  They would blow your mind.  At this point in the game, chances are you & your significant other have already landed on a name or have a few top contenders.  (Yes, we do know what we are naming this little man, but I'm saving that for a different blog post.) I also think its funny that people are so willing to tell their favorite names to people who are pregnant, because lets get real, I've had some favorite names I've wanted to name my child since I was in like, the 6th grade.  I'll be damned if I'm gonna share them.  Mainly because I know I'd be devastated if someone took my name.  And yes, I'm well aware that I sound about 12 years old & I know more than 1 person can have the same name, but lets try to be original.  

Question 4: "Sooo, how much weight have you gained so far?"

Answer: None of your damn business.  This question absolutely eats at me.  How would people like it if I asked them how much weight they've gained lately?  It truthfully takes everything in me to not slap someone when they ask me that.  Or I just want to cry.  Either way, my reaction to this question is not pretty. (Mom, are you listening?)  At the end of the day, I think every pregnant person is well aware that they're going to gain weight during the pregnancy.  I mean, you are carrying another person in there.  Duh.  Do you want to be reminded about it 24/7?  Or quizzed on it by random people? Thats a hell no.  One aspect about this question that drives me particularly insane is when people who have already had children throw out random numbers that they supposedly gained while pregnant.  It is MADDENING, especially when those people re a bit... ummm... fluffy & they throw out that they only gained 3 pounds while pregnant.  Ummm. Sure, sweetie. Whatever you say.  You realize a typical child weighs around 6-9 pounds, right? Okay, then.  Keep on truckin. 

Question 5: "Can I feel your stomach?"

Answer: Well, Can I feel YOUR  stomach first?  Yall, this question/action terrifies me more than any other question.  I'm not a very touchy/feely person, so when random people ask to feel this tiny bump that I'm now rolling with, I want to crawl under a chair.  Its one thing if you are a girlfriend or family member of mine, but PEOPLE DO NOT KNOW OR UNDERSTAND BOUNDARIES.  Luckily, since its been winter, I've been able to mask my bump so far, but when I'm wearing something that is kind of tight-fitting or don't have a jacket on, I think people think it is a free-for-all.  I would never ever ever ever ask a stranger if I could feel on their stomach.  It is so bizarre to me & I really don't understand the fascination.  Plus, its so intrusive.  Would you do that to me if I wasn't pregnant? No? Okay then, back off. So, unless we're friends, don't ask me because it might set me off into a panic attack :)

To conclude.... I swear I don't have a bad attitude about being pregnant & words cannot describe how excited I am to meet our little man.  I think I have just been completely overwhelmed & totally underprepared by how people react to pregnant people.  The thing about this post is that these questions are just a random sampling from the crazy questions I've gotten so far.  Don't worry, I'm sure I'll have more to report on in the coming months that will be equally terrifying.  So, if you're thinking about getting pregnant in the near future, I just encourage you to read this post & ask yourself if you're ready to deal with the utter insanity that surrounds you when you are carrying a child.  I tell Kevin all the time that I feel like a Science Project :) 

Well, that about wraps it up for me! Hope you all are having a great week! 


  1. I couldn't help but laugh at these - I remember all of those questions, too clearly, from when I was pregnant with my son. I never had any crazy must-have-it-now-before-I-freak cravings. I also never craved weird things - and I definitely didn't complain about that. Before I found out I was pregnant I was drinking, a lot. Once I had to stop I never really picked it back up again, for which I am very glad. Next time some one asks you how much you've gained just smile and say 'I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours' :D

  2. You should totally just start making up crazy stupid answers to these intrusive questions..."I crave anchovies floating in hot chocolate," "We're going to name him Lukadashian," and "Well so far I've gained 82 kilograms."
    People are dumb.

  3. just wait until you have the baby. every creepy ass person will come out at you and want to touch, look, get all up in your kids face. yes - complete random ass strangers. like hello do i have a sign on me that says please come look at my kid? no. go away. oh and the best. when they are completely decked out in blue, or dressed like a boy and they say, what's her name? how old is she? oh yes yes, my dike child here is 3 months old. really? really? ha. it's only just begun sweetheart, just wait!

  4. I just got done being pregnant for the 2nd time around and it never ceases to amaze me some of the things people ask or say to you! Why do they feel it's okay to tell a pregnant woman " You're huge!" "I dont think you're going to make it to your due date" " Are you sure there aren't two babies in there." I couldn't believe that these words would come out of WOMEN's mouths who have been down this road before. Do they not remember what it's like? If you get those comments later down the road just ignore them and know that you're beautiful and creating life inside your belly. Your stomach will go away in 9 months... their's wont! ;)

  5. So funny! I can relate to all of these! I seriously felt like a science project too. I definitely wasn't one of those "OMG I just LOOOOOOOVE being pregnant" people. Don't get me wrong, I love my son more than anything, but pregnancy was just not that enjoyable to me.

    Can't wait to hear what his name is!!!!