My Little Kicks

I have a fairly off beat sense of humor.  I find hilarity in the most random things.  I can't help it- it runs in my family.  Kevin swears we all find the most ridiculous stuff funny.  One thing we all share a love for is corny jokes.  For example:

"Why don't cannibals eat clowns?"
     Answer: Because they taste funny. Bahahahahahahahaha.


I know you all are rolling hysterically on the ground right now, right? I know, I know- I'm a riot.  Oh don't worry, I've got more where that came from.

Momma Bear, Papa Bear, and Baby Bear went on a picnic.  Momma bear tells Papa Bear & Baby Bear that she still has some stuff she needs to get situated out, so they can play around the park until she gets finished setting up the food, blanket, etc.  So, about 15 minutes later, Momma Bear yells "Papa Bear... Baby Bear... Time for our lunch."
Well, Papa Bear was quite hungry, so he came back to their picnic setup in a hurry.  However, Baby Bear was still nowhere to be found.  Momma Bear & Baby Bear grew worried & began searching the park, yelling "Babbbbyyyyy Bearrrr... Babbbyyy Bearrrrr..." over & over.  THEN, out of nowhere, Baby Bear comes running from over the hill, waving his hands back & forth, hollering "RADIO!!!!! RADIO!!!!!!"
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.


Question- how many times did yall read that & then question if you missed something?  Seriously.. how many?  The point of the joke is that there is absolutely no point.  It is absolutely my #1 favorite joke to tell with one of my family members.  9 times out of 10, when you & your co-conspirator start laughing at the end of the joke, the third party will immediately join in to laugh with you.  Then it gets even funnier because you know there is absolutely no point, yet they don't know that & they're literally laughing to act like they get this stupid joke.  I'd be lying to yall if I said I wasn't laughing right now, thinking of how many people my Dad & I have told that joke to.  I'm not kidding, I am beside myself with laughter as I type.  (Don't worry, you won't offend me if you think I'm a tard.  I understand that I have the maturity of 3rd grader, and I'm cool with it.)

Anywho, since Kevin doesn't always share my love of super funny jokes (Shocking, right?), I obviously have to look for other ways to entertain myself.
Let me introduce you to People of Walmart.com- (these next images are all taken at various Walmarts from across our great country. God Bless the USA.)  

Next Glamour Shot Outfit for sure!!!

I think he was torn on which look to go for... Garden Vixen or Black Tie Attire?

Homeboy has clearly never heard of the term "manscaping." Bless his heart.  Lets just hope there are razors in that cart.  After all, the heat index in KY today is supposed to be 110, but for this gentlemen, its probably 115.  

In all fairness, I probably could have been prominently featured on Peopleofwalmart.com after a particularly rough night, but so far, I've been lucky & managed to fly under the radar :) Phew. Thank goodness.

Now, if you find humor in the idiot decisions of others, let me also introduce you to Texts From Last Night.com.

**SIDE NOTE: To Big P & Jan: I would probably strop reading this post right now.  I will most likely get a lecture about how this site is only funny to people that have a low intelligence level & that you are appalled by the language/content on there.  So, lets just bypass that & you all click the little X button. Mmkay, thanks. Love you. **

These next texts are 100% real & 100% sent from someone who probably had consumed 8+ cocktails when the text message was sent.  As a fair warning, these texts get pretty crude & in appropriate, so if you're easily offended, I probably wouldn't venture to this website.

So, heres just a random sampling of texts from TFLN that provide you with a pretty good indication of what this website is all about....

(256): I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self. http://tfl.nu/pw1v

(207): Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america. http://tfl.nu/yc3t

(909): Talking to a male stripper.  About the LSAT.  Only in Vegas. http://tfl.nu/i4ub

(317): I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30. http://tfl.nu/4yw7

(843): So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay. http://tfl.nu/5u6r

(805): I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a b***h or something. http://tfl.nu/b077

(406): you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College" http://tfl.nu/x9bo

(409): You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate. http://tfl.nu/kfhp

As you can see, the texts are pretty over the top & mildly obscene, but thats what makes them so funny.  I think this website does 3 things extremely well.

1) Reiterates the point that under NO circumstances should you ever (and i mean EVER) send text messages while under the influence.  You will inevitably wake up with an immense feeling of regret and/or embarrassment.  (Not that I'd know or anything :)  I'm just looking out for you all!
2) Makes you feel better about your own life.  Seriously, the majority of the texts that are posted on there are insanely sloppy, and the only people I know who would actually send texts like that are either still in college, under the age of 21, or complete alcoholics.
3) Provides mindless entertainment for hours.  You could literally spend your whole day skimming through these ridiculous texts, and I guarantee you will be laughing at the site the whole time.  Basically because you will continue to be utterly amazed by the people OR situations that the texts reference.

Hahahahaha- Clearly I wasn't lying when I said I have an off beat sense of humor :)  However, if none of these things were able to have gotten at least a little smile or laugh out of you today, then I just can't help ya!  When I'm in a bad mood, these are my sure-fire go-tos to help perk me up.  I highly recommend them the next time you're in need of a good laugh :)
Well gang, thats it for now!

Its Vacay Time in the Bluegrass....

Napa Trip -Circa 2009

So, I live to travel.  I love love love love trips.  Literally, the last time Kevin & I got home from a trip, I tried to convince him to book another one to Naples within 3 hours of returning home.  My parents were (and still are) very into traveling, which is probably the reason why I think I need to take a trip every few months.  I honestly visit Expedia.com, Travelocity.com, and Kayak.com on a daily basis to find those hard-to-pass up travel deals.  I've gotten pretty talented at it too- I once booked a 5 day trip for Kevin & I to San Fran/Napa for a grand total of $720
 (Yes, that is flight & hotel.
 And no, we did not stay at a hostel, brothel, or campground to get that price.  Bahahaha. Me? Campground? Yeah right.  My idea of roughing it is staying at a Holiday Inn.)  So, you ready for the irony in this???

...... I am a complete homebody.  I crave structure & get grumpy without it.  My vacations aren't like most people's vacations.... For starters, I like to work out on vacations.  I prefer to eat my normal breakfasts & lunches because otherwise it'll throw my stomach into a whirlwind of hurting.  (My stomach is definitely comparable to that of a senile 82 year old senior citizen.  It hurts when I eat almost anything.  Big thanks to Big P (my dad) for that little genetic gem.)  I even go to bed at my normal time (or before) on vacations.  Kevin swears I turn into a drill sergeant on vacay because I prefer to keep everything (including my workouts) on a time schedule.  I tend to stress if I think my structure is going to be messed with.

And yall, honestly I do great like in this structured type of vacay for a couple days & even manage to enjoy some time off of work.... but then, I start missing home.  Namely- my bed, my puppy, and the Diva.  Sad part of it is, this need to be at home & sleep in my own bed started when I was a toddler.  On occasion, my parents would be lenient on our bedtime while having friends over, in which case my brother would also still be up, undoubtedly wrecking havoc in the house too, yet I inevitably would find my Mom or Dad & BEG them to take me up to my bed.

Oh don't worry, as time progressed, I got even more neurotic about missing home & sleeping arrangements.  For example, when I would host OR attend sleepovers, parents would come down to check on us girls late night, only to find that I had bounced.  (Calm down, I didn't try to walk home or anything weird like that.  They would always either up to my own bed or the host's bed, but regardless, I'm sure it was pretty startling the first few times it happened.)  Someone please tell me they did this too.  Anyone?.... Seriously anyone?.... Bueller?

Another prime example of my need for a routine/inability to relax on any vacation or trip is perfectly demonstrated in the picture below.  

Yes, that is me being one with my work computer.  Doing an expense report & program scheduling in the middle of a bachelorette party just screams "Life of the Party," yes?  Again, I am obviously one super cool chick.  Not.  I also may or may not also be guilty of getting on conference calls & checking voicemails while literally being on the beach.  (PS- I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown on my honeymoon because I couldn't dial in to check my work voicemail.  As a fair warning, Voicemail does NOT work in Mexico.  Believe me, I hunted down every employee I possibly could at our resort to resolve this issue & had zero luck. Lesson Learned- if you're obsessive about your job, stay in the U.S.)  While Kevin calls it insane, I call it multi-tasking.  Getting my tan on while conducting business??  Seems like a win-win to me :)

The next trip on the Docket is actually for work, which suits me just fine.  I'll be doing a brief little stint next week at this shack in Maryland. 

Its tough, but I guess I'll stay at the place they filmed Wedding Crashers for a few days.  I do great on these trips because I stay on a schedule, work gets done, and they are all less than 5 days.  Lets just pray that I don't go MIAwhile trying to locate the best bed possible, or better yet- that I don't wake up to creepy Todd Cleary trying to paint me :)

Obviously, I know my homebody tendencies aren't exactly, ummm, normal, so I've tried to figure out why I am always dying to come home from vacation.  Heres what I've come up with...

1) I like to be in control, so doing things on other peoples' schedules drives me insane.
2) I absolutely adore what I get to come home to (ie, my fabulous hubby, sweet puppy Hudson, our beautiful house, and my crazy kitties.) & feel most like myself at home.



**Side note- I was oddly obsessed with Wizard of Oz from age 1-4 years old.  I'm now highly suspicious there might be a direct correlation with my homebody preferences & this movie.  Seriously, think about it.  Here Dorothy is, transplanted in this magical place, and all she can think about is getting home.  Surely the possibility exists that her ridiculous need to leave the Yellow Brick Road & Oz was projected onto me & permanently ingrained into my brain, right?  Then again, I know some of my friends watched Barney & none of them have shown ANY signs of having their travel preferences based solely upon what they learned from his show (ie: traveling in a goofy hat while partaking in that particular means of transportation, or singing ridic songs while on a plane.)  Hmmm. Dang, I thought I was onto something for a second. Maybe I'm just an oddball. 

I guess the long & short of it is this: While I absolutely adore traveling & exploring new places, I think Dorothy said it best, "There is No Place like Home." 

Okay guys, thats it for now :)

True Life Tuesday- I'm an addict :)

I have a serious addiction yall.  Its honestly terrible, and unfortunately my poor bank account suffers the most from this serious habit.  I'd like to introduce you to my main shopping vice....

Like Pink Lou Lou, I literally hoard make-up.  If I have a bad day, I inevitably wind up at Sephora.  Usually, I am just trying to find one little item to console myself, but somehow I always manage to spend $100 +.  Kevin stays absolutely baffled at how high the price of make up is.  Bless his heart, I don't think he realizes that places like Target & Walgreens also sell make-up because I have trained him to know that Sephora (or sometimes Ulta) is the main place to buy Caroline's make-up.  

Similar to addicts, I have my must have make-up items that I cannot live without.  Like would go into an epileptic shock if I didnt have them.

1) Make-up Forever HD Primer: This product is super light & evens out your skin tone.  It honestly helps my foundation stay on ALL day.

2) Make Up Forever Matte Velvet Foundation: So, I have a tendency to run around like a crazy person all day long with my job.  Literally, I'm like a chicken with my head cut up.  Until I tried this a few years ago, my makeup looked similar to if I had just completed a marathon by the end of the day.  Now, I can honestly go to the gym & do a full workout, and my foundation is still on.  It is amazzzing. 

3)  Urban Decay Eye Shadows & Primers: In my eyes, Urban Decay can do NO wrong when it comes to eye color.  Their shadow palettes have every color & shimmer option known to man (or I guess woman) kind.  Plus, they sometimes offer their primers in their palette packs as well, which will amp up the eye color in the prettiest way.  I currently have 3 of their palettes (Excessive much? I know, I know), but I am dying to get their new "Naked Palette," but I haven't taken the plunge yet.  **Kevin- are you reading this?? My Birthday is in less than a month.  GREAT gift idea! :)**

4) Tarte Bronzer- I cannot say enough great things about things about this bronzer.  First off, I can say with 100% confidence that you will never look like Snookie if you try this.  It gives you the most natural looking glow, with a faint hint of sparkle, which prevents you from looking like Casper the Friendly ghost in the dead of winter.  Plus, it will last forever.  I think my last one lasted for well over a year.  I even sold Jan (aka my Mother) on this bronzer.  It has to be noted that Jan is the cheapest extremely frugal when it comes to buying make up.  For example, she has become best friends with her local Walgreens "Beauty Advisor" & is constantly telling me what new items she (aka high school dropout that rocks purple eye shadow on a regular basis) recommends. Gosh, there are so many things wrong with that sentence. Jan also gets super excited if her make up goes on sale- ie: 2 Loreals for $12.  Then again, she does live in Floyds Knobs where there isn't a ton to get pumped up about.  Regardless, if she is willing to step up to the Tarte Bronzer, you know its awesome. 

5) Eyeliner Recs: I'm going to be honest with you all, Eye liners are my biggest addiction.  On NYE, a few of my girlfriends & I were primping in my bathroom (ie: Pink Lou Lou & Court, to be exact), and we started counting how many black eye liners I own.  Any guesses?  If you guessed in the neighborhood of around 30, a gold star is coming your way.  I owned (at the time) 32 individual things of eye liner.  I usually try to rationalize my shopping behavior, but I am actually well aware that this isn't normal.  Even for me.  

**Side Note: I'm gonna blame Jan for this eye liner infatuation.  In high school, she REFUSED to let me wear any eye-liner or mascara.  Nevermind the fact that my eyelashes are completely blonde.  She insisted that wearing black eyeliner would give the image to people that "I was easy."  1) WHO SAYS THAT TO THEIR TEENAGE DAUGHTER??  2) Because I'm sure there is a direct correlation between sluttiness & black eyeliner.  Come on Jan. Anyways- So, I think that scarred me for life because I've had this HUGE need to try every eyeliner on the planet since I feel like I've missed out on so much in my teen years.  I also think this is the reason why I insist upon wearing ample amounts of eyeliner anywhere I go.  Don't worry, if you see someone who's eyes are made up like they're going to prom while at the gym, its probably me.  Lake, Pool, Gym, Grocery- doesn't matter.  I always have it on.  

So, up until recently, I had been using a Tarte Gel Eyeliner (which I still adore bc its a combo between a liquid & pencil.  Goes on great!), but it runs out super quick if you cake it on like I do.  ($18 for 2-3 weeks of usage seems a tad ridiculous- even to me.)  So, I was complaining to my local Sephora consultant, and she found me the most perfect eyeliner ever.

Meet Make Up Forever Aqua Eyes

So, this eye liners comes in a little tub, and you apply it with the tiniest brush ever.  (I will say that you do NOT need to buy brushes at Sephora.  Target's ELF line has fantastic brushes for $1 that work great.)  I can already tell you that this will definitely last me months, and it stays on ALL day long.  Plus, the brush lets you make you draw a line that can be really thin or  (cover your ears Jan) SUPER thick, like how I like to wear it :)  Its fabulous.

So, there you have it!  Those are my top 5 favorite products.  Now- my B List includes (but not limited to: NARS blush,  Benefit BOING eye brightener (Thanks Lauren!!!) , Bare Escentials Mineral Veil, Urban Decay 24/7 eye liner.  I love all of those products too, but not near to the extent of the first 5.  

So finally, I'm going to veer away from Make Up & go onto something that I have around 15 questions about on a daily basis.  Mahhh crazy faux braid- soo I'm gonna leave yall with a brief hair tutorial on how I deal with my crazy bangs that are in growing-out stage limbo.  I do this little faux braid at least twice per week, accompanied with a professional pony tail.  Basically, I fix my hair like this when I'm running super later & don't have time to fix it.  And as you all can see- I am really telling the truth when I say it takes me under 30 seconds to put one of these in my hair.  Its hilarious too because I always end up with a bazillion compliments when I wear my hair like this.  Soooo Enjoy & feel free to copy :) 

Thats it for now!  

28 IS the new 24

Honestly you guys, who gets sick on their husbands birthday? Ummmm.. apparently THIS girl.  No bueno.  With the winning combination of fever, a sinus infection, & bronchitis, it's fair to say that I won the bacteria trifecta today.  I feel like I've been a huge letdown for the Bday boy because I've been soooo blah.
**Side Note** I'm pretty sure he picked up on the fact I was feeling really down in the dumps & guilty about being sick because when I got home from the doctor today, these were waiting on our front porch.

I mean, are you kidding me?  That right there is why I have the best husband in the world.  Who send their wife flowers on THEIR birthday?  Oh thats right, Kevin :)

 Anyways, I probably looked like I had raided the Walgreens pharmacy after I picked up my prescriptions because I literally left there with a grocery bag full of meds.  I'm still mildly petrified that I am now one robbitussen bottle away from getting questioned by the Walgreens staff about potential drug abuse.  Anywho, even though I havent felt 100%, I've been hell bent & determined to make Kevin have a great birthday.  Even though I didn't get to make him breakfast, I was able to meet up with him for a nice little lunch at Panera (granted, he was probably a tad embarrassed to be seen with me because I looked like a bag lady).

However, I fully intend to save face tonight & cook him a fantastic meal.  I think I've mentioned it a time or 2, but both Kevin & I LOVE Italian food.  I honestly think that him & I both could live on pizza or pasta.  Granted, we might be the next contestants on the Biggest Loser, but hey, I would definitely be one jolly big person.  So, tonight, I am going to cook him homemade Baked Ziti.

This is definitely our favorite recipe, so I have to say that this is a win for both of us.  Now, I know you are dying to hear what's in it, so without further adieu:

Baked Ziti

INGREDIENTS

-1 Box Ziti Pasta

-1 lb. Ground beef

-1 lb. Italian Sausage

-6 oz. Provolone cheese slices

-6 oz. Mozzarella shredded cheese

-2 Tablespoons Parmesan cheese

-1 onion, chopped

-1.5 cups of light sour cream (I know what you're thinking.  Light sour cream in this recipe is like when people order a supersized big mac meal & then have the audacity to ask for a diet coke, but hey, you gotta cut the calories where you can, right?)

INSTRUCTIONS

-Brown the onion/beef together in large pot

-Add sauce & let simmer for 15-20 mins

-Use a 13x9 pan, and spray w/ pam

-Layer 1/2 of cooked ziti into pan

-layer provolone cheese over ziti

-layer sour cream over prov cheese

-layer 1/2 of the sauce mixture

-put rest of ziti over the sauce

-Layer the mozz cheese over ziti pasta

-Put remainder of sauce mixture on top, then sprinkle with parm cheese

*Bake at 350 Degrees for 30-40 mins, and waaalaah, you have the best Baked Ziti ever.

Now, I'm sure you all are wondering what I got Mr. Gray for his 28th 24th Bday (which he informed me today that he doesn't feel a day over 24, so we're just gonna go with that number instead of 28 because 28 is so irritatingly close to 30.)

Welllll... I can tell you 2 things because he's already opened them.  The BIG present he is opening later, so I can't give that one away because I'm scared he'll read this post while he's on the golf course (highly doubtful, given that he left here with a cooler full of beer, and I'm guessing my blog isn't the first thing on his mind.  Shocking, i know.).  Still, i just don't wanna take the chance.

So, the first present should be a given:

Thats right.  Homeboy looks married again. Yayyyyy!  Now I don't have to worry about any girls hittin on mahh man. (Bahahahahaa. ptsch, as if that actually happens to him on a regular basis. Strip clubs don't count, Kevin. )

And because Hudson managed to chew up all of our favorite pairs of shoes last year when he was a little puppy, I also got him a pair of these:

A new pair of boat shoes... which unfortunately don't fit, and the all navy proved to be a bit fashion forward for Kevy.  (Kevin considers button-down shirts with TWO pockets to be wayyy edgy, so a navy boat shoe is the equivilent of Carlton Banks not wearing his shower shoes in the shower. Its just toooo craazzzy to handle...)

Okay guys before I go, I'll leave you with a picture that of Kevin from his actual 24th bday. 

Yay I'm 24!

Using Kevin's FAVORITE phrase, I'm gonna have to say he's "aging pretty darn well."  Him at 24 vs. him at 28 doesn't look all that different to me.  Boy still looks handsome as ever, but I am a tad biased :) mmkay, that's it for now.

There are no words.....

So, its 1:13am, and I am up.  I just finished a fabulous mba finance test.  Who's jealous?  If it werent for my teacher who incidentally resembles a polo model, complete with a Southern Mississippi accent, I definitely would have definitely dropped that horrid class like a bad habit by now.  Thank God for the little things in life, right? :)  (Calm down yall- he's married.  I'm married.  But I mean, just because you're on a diet, doesn't mean you can't scope out the menu.)

So, last week was pretty miserable, but I'm gonna spare yall the details.  However, there were some highlights.

1)  Lets discuss that Hudson (our dog) has decided to start acting like a complete weirdo, which has come out of nowhere.  He has started hiding under stuff, shaking, and not eating much.  So of course, I did what EVERY great dog parent does-  Google his symptoms & diagnose him mah self.  In turn, I scare the hell out of myself & convince Kevin that he has every horrible diagnosis known to man (or in this case, dog).  As a result, Hudson & I ended up at the vet last Wednesday bc I was 110% he was on his death bed.  

SOOOO, 3 1/2 hours, 4 blood tests, & a fecal test, the vet has some news for me.  According to Dr. S, my homeboy, Hudson, is "the vision of health, and he might just be in a mood."  Umm, A MOOD? Are you serious Clark?  I consider Lucy the Diva to be "in a mood" a solid 86% of the time, and I most definitely didn't go to Vet school to make that determination.  Anywho, later that night, Kevin & I decided to take Hudson on a walk to see if he was going to act more normal.  **Okay yall, if you have a weak stomach, you might want to ear muff it out on this next part**  

So, as we were walking, Hudson decided to take care of some business.  When I went to pick up his, ummm droppings, I was appalled to see that there was a complete (unused) tampon & remnants of a plastic fork in it.  Lets be honest, if either of those things had come out of me, I would be "in a mood" too & thanking sweet Jesus that I didn't have to get my stomach pumped.  

2) Speaking of Lucy the Diva....  Check out the video of her below.  To say that she was NOT happy to see the incriminating photos of her Aunt Lou Lou invading her Cat Condo is a vast understatement.

OH yes, this happened, and Lucy is out for blood.  

You know, I really need to get a better handle on my pets.  Orrrr maybe my friends.  Hmmm. Could be a toss up.

3) Guess who's bday is tomorrow???? No, unfortunately, its not mine (although, mine is exactly 5 weeks from tomorrow.  FYI- only 35 shopping days left.)   If you guessed this guy, you'd be right!

  BUT if you guessed this guy, you'd also be right.

Hey, I might not have gotten THE  Prince that was born on June 21, but I definitely got my prince :)  Kate's got nothing on me (exceptttt for maaayyybe her shopping budget. dang. Can't win em all.)  I'm super excited to celebrate his 28th year with him- & give him his presents. (ok- maybe theres a slight part in me that is actually excited because I know I'll get to eat some ice cream cake at some point Mr. Grays bday festivities. I mean, I do love his bday, but i might love ice cream cake more.  Jussst saying.  ) Hahaha, anyway, hope everyone had a good weekend- thats it for now.  

Grumppopotamos & the need for a Teen Mom Intervention

Yall... I've been in maaajjjahhh a funk this week, and as a result this has been me.....

Due to the deadly combination of ridiculous stress, anxiety, & just some plain ole sucky news, I have been transformed into Debbie Downer (although with better fashion sense & better hair, I hope).  I'm pretty sure that Kevin is convinced that enduring a double root canal & a Gilmore Girls Marathon has got to be more fun than hanging out me these past few days.  Between work, school, family stuff, & realizing I don't have a free weekend until late August, I started on the vicious downward spiral of self-pity, which hasn't been a pretty sight.  However, like I've said before, I am basically a certifiable nutcase if I don't get my workout in on a daily basis, so even if the world is coming to an end (in my eyes or in real life), you better bet I'm going to get that workout in, just because I know it'll help my mood.



As a side note: Now, although I may threaten violence on my ridiculous husband from time to time, the above clip proves why I'd never lay a hand on him.  Because....Happy people just don't shoot their husbands.  They just don't :)


Although I was 110% positive I was still going to be buying a one way ticket on the pissy train to blah-land when I returned, I did decide to go on a run around the neighborhood.  In the spirit of transparency, I really just wanted to be alone to get my pity party on, without judgement.  As I was running up a large hill, I noticed this other girl runner, with uber long, skinny legs, on the other side of the street.  She was taking this hill at a muuuuch faster pace than me (And making it look super easy. What a wench.), which was surprising because usually I can rock & roll on some hills.  (My mom towers over me with her long legs, but I always always always beat her on hills. Sorry Jan.) So with this girl, I really could NOT get over quick she was, considering how skinny & long her legs were.  Of course, being my hyper competitive self, I attempted to pick up my pace & beat her up that hill, but there was no catching this girl. I was trying to console my 25 year old body about my slower pace by telling myself that she had to be a high school cc runner, track star, or something of that nature.  When she stopped at the top of the hill to talk to a car that had pulled into one of the drive-ways,  I was super thrilled because I was dying to get a good look at this chick with the ridiculously fast pace & insanely skinny legs that went along to match.  When I finally caught up to her, I could not believe my eyes.  Shock & awe doesn't even cover what I saw.  I was right about one thing.  She was definitely in high school- couldn't have been a day over 15 years old.  But I was wrong about her legs.  They weren't skinny.  They weren't long.  They weren't even present.  Those skinny legs were actually prosthetic limbs.  Oh. My. God......
I had been praying over the past few days for God to cut me some slack & to let something GOOD happen because I couldn't handle much more. Witnessing the determination of this other runner gave me the gut check (and tears) that I was in desperate need of.  God sent a message back to me alright- LOUD & CLEAR.  Sh*t happens, its how you respond to it that determines what you're made of.  This other runner has been dealt one hell of tough hand in life, but its not getting her down- Yet, I'm letting a few bad days make me the Prozac poster child.  Needless to say, the endorphins I got from that run weren't the only thing that helped give me a new lease on life.  I am incredibly blessed & I need to remember it. Every day.  


So, speaking of the poster child for Prozac.....

Lets discuss this trainwreck.... Meet Amber Portwood.

Gary- Amber's Baby Daddy

Now, I'm aware that some of yall probably don't know her because you actually have standards when it comes to your television programming. But, shamefully,  I clearly don't share those standards.  Miss Portwood is from the classy MTV program "Teen Mom," & bless her heart, she is a hot darn mess.  Homegirl has been arrested for hitting her baby daddy (Gary- aka another winner) in front of her child, child neglect, & underage drinking.  And last night, I read that she tried to commit suicide on Monday night.  Yall- She is only 21. Do we think she'd have that kind of rap sheet & instability if she hadn't gained notoriety from Teen Mom?  Okay, Okay, in all honesty, she'd probably have some of it because she is kinda trashy, but I really think she's done a lot of it because she's learned that her crazy behavior gets her more attention, magazine covers, interviews, & lets not forget- another season of Teen Mom... And ps- it was reported that she made more than $280K in 2010.. and I mean, for what exactly?  Its not like she's poised with talent, unless you call perfecting your mugshot pose a talent? As much as this show has provided mindless entertainment for me, I have to question MTV's morals for continuing on with this.  Young girls are getting the wrong message from 16 & Preggo/Teen Mom.  MTV is making it seem perfectly normal & okay for these girls to get knocked up, make terrible decisions, and then be rewarded with a reality tv show.  Personally, I think they should only cast girls on Teen Mom if they are actually putting in an effort to turn their trainwreck lives around & into something... or MAYBE, I dunno, actually trying to provide a good home for their new children- novel idea, right? Now, my moral compass might not always point due North, but continuing to promote the concept of making horrendous decisions that negatively affect these young mothers ( & their children) because it makes for good tv just seems so incredibly wrong to me.  Come on, MTV- Go revamp Real World or something.

Now, I love some good trashy tv, but after hearing about Amber Portwood today, I gotta draw a line at this one.  Mmmmkay yall, thats it for now.  

Forever & Ever Amen

(Obvi- this isn't the real cemetery.)

Yesterday was first for me.  One of my customers lost his wife to a terminal illness over the weekend.  I've been doing this for about 4 years, and none of my customers have ever lost a spouse.  I think highly of all of my customers, but this gentleman, with 50+ years of expertise, has my utmost respect & admiration.  He's also just an extremely kind & genuine person, so it absolutely breaks my heart that he's now all alone.  So yesterday, I went by his office to drop off a card & additional treats for his office staff. It should probably be noted that his office is incidentally located directly across from the city's cemetery, & for some oblivious reason, this tidbit never even crossed my mind when I headed there yesterday morning. When I came back outside from the office to get back into my car, I looked across the street, and the burial portion of his wife's funeral was underway.
Side note:  I was told this morning that my customer bought those burial plots years ago- that way he would always be able to watch over her from his office if anything ever happened to her. Might be the sweetest thing I've ever heard.  
I literally stood there with tears in my eyes, frozen like a statue because my heart hurt so badly for this sweet older gentleman who had lost his wife after 53 years of marriage.

53 years of marriage.  What an accomplishment.  Can you imagine how strong of a bond they must have had?  I am in complete awe of people who have been married for such a long duration of time.  Marriage isn't easy, and whoever says that it is needs to be slapped. I kind of feel like married people should get a trophy for every year they are married- I'm actually 110% positive thats why we get a tax break :)
With all joking aside, I take marriage very seriously, most likely because of the example that was set forth by my family.  Both sets of grandparents are the quintessential role models of what the term "for better or for worse" truly means for couples.

Sweet Hazel (& my brother)

My maternal grandparents were married for 55 years before my Grandfather passed away.  My Grandmother absolutely loves to tell me that I was her favorite Anniversary present because I was born on their 49th wedding anniversary (Its July 26th- juuuuust in case you were wondering and/or want to send me a present! Just kidding. Kinda.), and I was their only granddaughter.  Wanna know the best part about their wedding anniversary? They never even had a wedding.  They actually snuck off to get married, and did not tell anyone for TWO years.  Apparently, they wanted to have their house completely built & paid for before they told anyone they were married?  Everytime I've ever quizzed my sweet little (4ft 10 inches) 94 year old bourbon-drinking baptist Grandmother (Hazel) as to why they snuck off to get married to my Granddaddy (who stood tall at 6ft 5 inches) or waited 2 years to tell anyone, she just giggles, and says "Welllll Suga, I just don't know.  I know it seems silly now, but then it seemed like an adventure."  You can't argue with that logic.  I love it.

This is my absolute favorite picture of them- taken @ Churchill Downs.
Lord only knows what he had said to get that look :)

My Paternal Grandparents were married just shy of 52 years.  Their love story is one for the books too.  My Grandfather moved to this small Indiana town from Kentucky, didn't come from much money, but was full of charm & big ideas.  My grandmother came from a pretty well-to-do family, and of course, they didn't approve of my Grandfather.  Not one bit.  Long story short, they got married and had my oldest Uncle when my Grandmother was only 17 years old. My Grandfather was hell bent and determined to win his over his in-laws & make something of himself, and that he did.  Guess who eventually built the most fantastic house that Scottsburg, IN had ever seen?  His charisma and kindness helped those big ideas become a reality, which led to him being wildly successful.  He had this HUGE personality, & was feisty as all get out. (My Dad tells me that I take after him through & through, which is by far the best compliment I could ever receive.) I wholeheartedly believe that my Grandmother's heart literally broke when he passed away because she was never the same after that. After being married for that long, I think it must feel like half of yourself is missing when your spouse passes away.

My parents were married for 32 years.  Yes, I said were.  As in past tense.  I'm not really ready to talk about that whole little road show yet, if ever.  When they divorced, it shook me to my very core.  I never believed in a million years that my parents would divorce.  Everyone knows Pat & Jan AS Pat & Jan.  Obviously, divorce doesn't happen in my family.  It just doesn't.  Side note: Whoever says divorce is easier to deal with as an adult also needs to be slapped.  Hard.  Divorce sucks.  Plain & Simple...   Anyway, It is a long story as to why they felt they needed to go their separate ways, & honestly, its not my story to tell.  Butttt I will tell yall 2 little tidbits about Miss Jan & Big P.......

Number 1- No matter how you look at it, 32 years of marriage is nothing to scoff at.  They went through crazy ups & downs, yet made it through together for a long time.  I truly admire both of my parents for following their hears in trying to figure out what was going to make them happy again.  Number 2- They've been divorced for 3 years now, which still just blows my mind.  However, Big P & Jan are now both happy again in a relationship.  With each other :)  Love always prevails, but I think sometimes you might have to veer off the beaten path to find it again.

Anyway, I always think of my grandparents when I hear this song about loving someone forever-So incredibly sweet. Well, thats it for now yall.  

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