Friday, May 27, 2011

The Day Dina Lohan & I had something in common

So if you don't know by now, I am the proud owner of 3 cats & a dog.  Since Kev & I don't have children quite yet, we literally treat these creatures as if we bore them ourselves.  Its mildly ridiculous.  But in all seriousness, one of the main things I take pride in with my animals is that they are all extremely good natured in personality.  Hudson has never bitten anyone (including other dogs), and the cats have never scratched anyone.  (Kev & I obvi done a great job with our animal parenting skills. bahhahaa)  Anywho, all of our neighbors know our cats because they are indoor/outdoor cats.  Breyer & Lucy are extremely territorial & never leave our property line.  However, Stella (aka the ugly. no homely.  ok unique) looking cat sometimes gets bold & will venture to various neighbors houses.  She loves kids, so its no big thing.... Or so I thought.
So last Friday, I get home only to be met by not just one, but TWO of the neighborhood mothers.  I am thinking to myself, "Oh fantastic.  This conversation looks promising.  Not."  Keep in mind that I am extremely time crunched because I had to get up to Indianapolis for a bachey party (Chronicled in full by Pink Lou Lou).  So these 2 women literally come into my garage the moment I pull in & approach me with concerned faces.  Conversation went as follows:
Neighbor 1: "Caroline, we need to have a conversation about your cats."
Me: " Oh?  What about them? "
Neighbor 2: "Well, one of them brutally attacked one of the baby birds in one of our trees.  My children have been in complete devastation all day.  We havent been able to leave the house out of fear that YOUR cat might come back again & repeat this act.  So we've been keeping a close, protective watch on the nest since then."
Me: Thinking to myself- Is this lady for real?  How am I fighting the urge to hysterically laugh right now. I mean, does she want me to ground them?  How do i respond to this?? So my response was "Oh. Gosh.  Ummm. I'm sorry?  Ummm?"
Neighbor 1: "So what S is saying is that her & her family would appreciate if you kept your cats inside from now on so we can avoid any more of these instances."
Me: "Ummm. Well, I'll try my best, but they are cats.  They want to be one with nature.  They'll be kept inside this weekend because Kev & I will both be gone, but after that, I'll ummm... try?  I guess? You know there are other neighborhood cats, right? "
Neighbor 2: "Yes, please do keep them because I don't want my kids to experience any more of those traumatic experiences. No- we are positive it was your cat because we see her wandering the neighborhood CONSTANTLY, so odds are it was her."
Me: "Oh, um.  Ok.  Well, I have to go now.  I'll keep an eye on them?"

To say I was completely bewildered/crestfallen/horrified is a vast understatement.  I seriously felt like they came over to attack my animal parenting skills. I mean, are other neighbors talking about our animals being complete menaces the neighborhood?  I felt instant panic at the thought of me being a complete failure as a mother.  Is this how Dina Lohan feels on a daily basis?  Good god, I should send her a card because I completely under-estimated how that disappointment/horrification feels.  Side note- don't children kind of need to learn about animal life cycles at some point?  How do they explain roadkill to their kids?  Or death in general? Or maybe their type of home-schooling just doesn't cover those subjects until later?  Gosh, I just don't know.
So of course, I call Kevin to vent my frustrations because I am so incredibly stunned by this occurrence on so many levels.
Kevin's response?
"They asked you if we could keep our cats inside?  A better question would be "Why haven't you shown your kids The Lion King?"  Its the Circle of Life, good god.  If they would have came to me with that BS, I would have had to have said, "Do you even know who Rafiki is? Circle of Life. Learn it & leave my cats alone. Thanks."  Then, I would have held up Stella on the top of of our porch, while singing the Circle of Life Song to reiterate my point.  Don't worry, I'll handle it next time."

Ummm, is this my real life?  I married that.  Who's jealous?  Bahahaha if you're not, then you should be, because I went from being in almost tears to giggling uncontrollably.  Now, I'm just fighting the urge to sing the song every time I pass by their house.  

So Dina Lohan, if you are reading this, just remember ONE thing.  Apparently, the key to dealing with people criticizing your children is to just bark a lesson learned from a Disney Movie.  My husband swears it will work.  To give him some credit- the boy does get along with everyone, so maybe he's on to something.  Hahaha.   Alright, yall have a wonderful Memorial Weekend!! Thats it for now!


  1. PLease tell Stella to stop sending me inaprop pictures. It just upsets everyone.

    And I think you should send them a christmas card next year, of just stella, with a stuffed mouse or perhaps a bird in her mouth. In her Christmas sweat of course.


  2. hahahahahahahahahahahaahaahaha
    too funny! I am dying. hysterical. Gotta love Kev's logic haha :)

  3. hahahaahaha... i'm cracking up. First off, the mom's... Seriously? are they for real? And then Kev's response topped that... :)

  4. Just another thing for older bags (the moms) to complain if they don't have anything else going on in their meaningless consumer driven lives. Hang in there! :) new to your blog via Pink Lou Lou :)

  5. oh my gosh this is hilarious! you are your hubby crack me up! and now I want to go watch the Lion King :)

  6. I am uncontrollably laughing at your husbands response. Pure genius!!

  7. OMG that is hilarious!! My reaction would have been the same as yours. I love your hubs' response though! And he's right!! I agree w Allison..I think they need a cat card for Christmas.